New Year, New Look

Any of you who might take a gander at this now and again will notice it's had an extreme make over, including the name. Chasing Love. You might be wondering why that name, asking yourself if I've decided to take the approach of actually chasing men who I deem eligible...but that answer is a solid no, I have not yet succumbed to that means so you can continue to tell me all about "this great guy you know" or how "your son is still single". I changed it to Chasing Love because, as I've said in the past, I want to personify a life of love, I want to love everyone I meet no matter how difficult that might be (and sometimes it really is). I want to be the best example of God's love that I possibly can be, I want to seek it in all that I do, and in all who I come into contact. I want to chase it. And I want it to chase me.

I decided this year to take some time to come up with my new years resolution. More often than not I never follow through with NYE resolutions, and I mean really, how many people actually do. Not this year. I AM DOING IT. Not that I've ever been in the best shape of my life, but I'd like to start working towards that goal. I've made an excel spreadsheet so we know its the real deal, and I've been going to the gym with the mindset of a 3 mile minimum. A trick I've learned is turn on a great football game and inner mix that viewing with Keeping Up With the Kardashians and I've got a perfect mix of intensity and hilarious fluff to so immerse me into my workout that I don't even realize how far I've gone. So there is my accountability, I'm making it public knowledge and give full permission to literally slap processed and sugar loaded food out of my hands (unless it's frozen yogurt, then I might be tempted to use the moves I've learned in kickboxing on you).

This new year has also brought on new website addictions, facebook is so yesterday. Try Pinterest (you can follow my link on the right), which has so many amazing ideas and creative outlets that your face might explode. Explode with delight. Caloriecount.com, I find it incredibly satisfying and entertaining to track my calories and exercise. You might think I've lost it but give it a whirl, it is so fun! Oh, and one other addiction, albeit not technological, is the Coffee Toddy. Want the smoothest, tastiest iced coffee in the world, try the coffee toddy. O...Mmmmm....G.... Delicious.

Back to my name change. I've really been praying a lot recently, and I think there is something big coming, or something I'm meant to do or be. I'm not sure what it is, but I know I want to be the best prepared I can be for it. That means changing my heart, my mind and I think my fitness level. God has done some pretty incredible things in my life, and I hope through my life. He's done these things with such a meager amount of who I could be, so what could He do with me at my possible best? Or at your possible best? The thought of finding out about this excites me to my tip toes. Driving home from work today I was so enamored with the vibrant sunset I'm surprised I didn't rear-end the car in front of me. If God takes the time to display this extent of creativity with the sky, what more will He do with His children!

So I look forward to this new year, with unknown futures, the best coffee I've ever had, creative experiments via pinterest, complete caloric and nutritional awareness, a better self and for what I can only hope will happen tomorrow- the Bronco's beating New England.
PS- I promise future posts will actually have a point. Scratch that- I promise that they will attempt to have a point.

A peek Into My Journal.

Recently I was sorting through some books on my nightstand and there tucked under a copy of Jane Eyre, a Bible, a daily devo and a thoroughly read Don Miller book (I sound so spiritual don’t I?) I found my brown weathered journal. When I say weathered, I actually mean that pieces of the leather are missing, showcasing a soft material peeping through, accidently created from placing the journal on a somewhat tacky service and applying pressure for an extended amount of time. Now this wasn’t done on purpose, but it does make it look well-loved and vintage. Kind of how I hope to look when I’m a crazy old lady who wears velour jumpsuits willingly and mall walks with cans of soup, which will later be served up for dinner.

I haven’t written in the journal for quite a while. I wrote a lot after Kendra passed away and throughout her sickness. In fact, I think it was my only outlet during her sickness, and you can tell. I’m pretty sure the ink used to script every word was first mixed with tears because every page read anguish and pain and heartbreak. It’s numbing to look back and see how much you were hurting and didn’t even realize it. Makes you wonder what you’ll find out about yourself in the future about the present, what life are we living that we don’t even realize. Here is one thing I wrote that stands out, it was the last entry I wrote:

“It has been said that love is a battlefield, love is a gift, love is giving without expectation.

Love is an emotion, love is a verb.

Love is life.

Love is living, breathing, yearning, shelter, comfort, pain.

Love, is life.

Love is losing and gaining, setting free and holding tight. What isn’t love?

Because love is life.

Created in the image of pure love; to be loved and to love. If I know not any other words to personify in life, I will be completely satisfied with pure love as my only goal.

To live is not to love, but to love is to finally live.”

There was one emotion I didn’t disclose earlier that was threaded and woven throughout my words, tightly clinging to every thought like a brand new pair of spanx. It was hope. It was unadulterated hope that our Christ and King would not falter, would not turn His back on his people, hope in the future and hope in the healing and redeeming power of Christ. A hope that is daily healing the open wounds of living in a broken world.

Reading my words written just a few years ago has brought up the question of “Am I embodying love?” I now wonder if I were gone would people remember me as the girl who loved and cared for others or the girl who had a quick witted tongue and was a little obsessed with mustard yellow? I suppose I can only hope for both. But in all reality, I want to daily find a new way to express my love for others and my engulfing love for my Lord and Savior. What holds us back from that vulnerability? Why is taking that extra moment to genuinely express love to someone much like moving the Eiffel Tower with well-manicured, bare hands?

I could delve into the egocentric persona that encases society. The selfish overpowering the selfless. But why? Why, when I can just love. Why complain about the problem, we already know it, so now let’s make love a verb. An action.

  So hear me loud and clear. I love you. I will always love you. And I don’t mean the kind of love with floating pink hearts or i’s dotted with itty bitty spectacles of an embarrassing abundance of emotion. I want the life that is love, raw, empowered, and real.

Get Me to Japan & Read my Thoughts While You're At It.

There have been many things on my mind lately. Every time I pick up a new book I am ambushed with new thoughts, feelings and motivations. I suppose that backs up the mantra “what goes in is what comes out.”

I’ll start with this, a little news update for those of you who don’t own a tv or believe in the powers of Google. Japan is giving away 10,000 free tickets a few months from now. They want individuals to travel their beautiful and recently devastated country, and then write travel reviews and blogs about it to spread the word that Japan is in fact a great place to go. I want to be one of these people. Help me be one of these people. Thus, my sporadic blogging may begin to pick up its own tempo.  This once work travel blog is beginning to take on a whole new life.

I recently went to Seattle for my mom’s 50^th Birthday. A girl’s weekend to the max.  We’re talking delicately made truffles, champagne, Bridesmaids (the movie), shopping, extravagant and delicious meals, and flowers. Lots and lots of flowers, thank you Pike Place Market. Within this weekend, one of my mom’s closest friends asked her to list the top events that have taken place in the last 50 years. A pretty simple question in the storefront, but it’s like asking a blind person to find the marble in the top to bottom packed vintage shop.  My mom’s answer- that it hasn’t been the big things that have impacted her life but the day to day happenings that have made her happy. How true it is, if we can’t appreciate the beauty of each day before us, how will we ever appreciate the “big” things in life.  The marriages. The births. The deaths. The graduations. The BIG things. These big events in life symbolize change, but life is in the day and night of an individual, not the direction in which they start traveling, because we know another big thing will change that direction again but it will never change living in the day.

This answer didn’t seem to appease the group much, although I liked it. Factual dates, with details, that is what people are thirsty for. The obligatory births of her children, her marriage, some childhood memories with her siblings and best friend-cousin made the list.  But my favorite, my absolutely favorite one, and perhaps because I think it is on my list of favorites was the last fragment of a memory she mentioned. And yes, I’m going to tell you what it was.

This past summer my parents, sister and I went to California to see our family. My Grandpa has been sick with cancer for a few years now and it has been rapidly taking its toll on his health. After spending 8 long days in Ventura, California catching up with cousins, grandparents, fathers, uncles and brothers we jumped in the car and headed home. The week ahead was busy and I think weighed on our minds, but not as heavily as the trip we just completed. I believe I said something to the effect of “back on the road,” to which my dad replied “it’s time.” He proceeded to turn on the CD player, and out comes the brand new The Band Perry CD. The following weekend we were all going to their concert and on the drive down had been talking about how we wanted the CD so we could learn the songs prior to it. Such a small gesture but it was so powerful and moving. The first song out was If I Die Young, a fan favorite, but an emotional and heart wrenching song when you’ve just finished visiting a loved one plagued with cancer. When in the last few years you’ve watched your best friend die and the future you had built together sipping ice tea and conspiring to arrange your children’s marriages to officially become related. Or when you’re just plain tired, living on faith, hope, and probably caffeine.

That is one of my favorite memories.

I pray to God a man finds me that takes care of his women as well as my dad does.

Why Singleness is Like Sports Try-Outs

The realization that being single in your 20's and beyond is much like continually trying out for a sport, or a team, occurred to me today while curling my eye lashes and faithfully bronzing my cheekbones to highlight my better features. This thought has no spiritual significance, it's just a thought.

There are the try-out goers and the wanna-be players, the game wear, the fans, the team, and the coveted position as the starters on the team. Yes, all of this relates to being single.

 As a single we wake up, go about our daily business, we put on our best try out clothing, smile at frustrations and failures because we want to be gracious and show the world how much we want to be on the team, we put our best foot forward in every aspect in attempts to move forward. And by moving forward I do mean making the team, hopefully a starting position someday, but also that we attempt success to make up for other lacking relationships in our life, to fill the longing for the team. The wanna-be players, those trying desperatingly to be seen and heard, who walk home with cracks in their thick make up and gel droppings on the muscled shoulders of their ed hardy t-shirts, are those you see and think "did I see them on Jersey Shore last week?" Where the try-out goers are those trucking along, every day joes and janes, in a holistic sense some are beautiful and some average, but all working towards the same goal- making the team.

Try-out clothing are those go to outfits meant to highlight our best assests, or skills. They are often over priced, but it's worth it right? It's all for the sacrifice of making the team. We dawn these articles of clothing like a basketball player putting on his lucky air jordan's, they don't actually change our skill level but sure make us feel like we could be the number one draft this year. We want to present our best and hide our worst. Those that have made the team, well they get to put on their comfortable, slightly looser fitted game wear. Game wear needs to be durable, washable, stain resistent, and able to get the job done effectively. Aesthetics don't mean quite as much, although still have their role, but it's more about quality, because they've already proven their skill to make the team, now it's about keeping that position.

This brings us to the never ending fans. Everyone has them, from the wanna-be players to the starters on the team, we all bring a fan or two or five thousand. For those who are trying out for the team, whatever their skill level is, usually bring along the doting parent fan, perhaps the protective sibling fan who just wants to see them succeed. Quite often there are also the close friends who are loyal fans, encouraging the try-out goer, giving them pointers on improving their success level, and sometimes for those who are lucky, there is the extended network fan base. The church members, the friends parents, the aunts, grandma's, co-workers, friends of friends and friends of the doting parents; now these fans create that strong support system meant to elevate a try-out goer to the ability and skill level of the existing team. They talk up the player so much that often times their words alone are so persuasive that try-outs are almost pointless as they have their spot on the team in the bag. However, the latter can have a catch, and that's when a taste of success meets a rained out game. The times when extended fan bases do their job perfectly, with initial success but the hopes are dashed, the player is side lined and the rain pours. It's the putting on of the jersey, the proud sporting of the lucky number, but one never actually gets to play in the game.

There are cheap tricks to making the team too. Steroids. Those that go to extremes to make the cut, changing themselves and the perfect way God made them in order to meet a preconceived notion of what they believe the team is looking for. Flashy shows. This would be the the try-out goers that have the ability to dominate a room, conversation, attention seekers. Not always a bad thing, in fact I know many great people with this trait, but it also runs the risk of a voice proceeding actual depth, a showy display of personality without sustenance.

Making the team. After all the hard work of prepping and training, making the team is like instant gratification. A moment of bliss, unadulturated by the knowledge of what the future holds- more hard work and training. It isn't easy making the team and it's certainly not easy keeping your spot on it once you do. It's like varsity golf, you must stay within the top five lowest scores to get to play in the tournament, meaning, the work isn't over, your spot isn't safe. While you've moved over to the ability to go between try-out clothes and official team wear you're still not a starter on the team but you do belong to a team now.

If you're asking yourself, does she mean marriage is like starting on the team, then you are quite correct in your assumption. The starters get out there, they get dirty and injured, their jersey's are earning the number they are proudly stamped with. They have trained to make the team. They have trained to become a starter. And now their training is paying off in the play offs. These people, they are part of a team, and they play for the team and with the team. They may go home from a win or loss and throw on sweats and an oversized t-shirt but they secured that right when they battled together, when they started and ended the game for their team, with their team, because of their team.

I'm an 8

"How'd it turn out?"
"I'm an 8."

Name that show. Perhaps one of the best episodes of Friends, when Ross goes in for a spray tan and accidently tans his front 4 times in a row, rather than his front and back. Yeah, similar experience to me yesterday.

In truth though, the machine malfunctioned AND I messed up. Thank goodness for the machine also not working properly or I might have walked into my family reunion looking like Ebony and Ivory, just depends on if you saw me from the front or the back. Anyway, having a free spray tan left from awhile ago I decided to even out some tan lines for the big family photo this weekend. Not only did I accidently get stuck in the same pose twice, spraying my front half twice, the machine stopped at that point and proceeded to dry me. With tanner dripping down my legs, I threw on some clothes (which are definitely tan on the inside now as well) and had to walk to the front desk to see what was up. Since they made a mistake, they gave me a free future spray tan and I went home and showered off the radioactive hue my front side was turning, although not much better than the brilliant white of my backside.

In other accomplishments of the week, I finally found the hidden tree fort on campus tucked away in the miles of nature trails. If you've never walked the nature trails, I highly recommend it, you'd forget you're even in Salem. They are beautiful, lush and green, with cascading branches creating canopies above the walk ways. I've been listening to my Bible on my iPod, which I'm now in Leviticus, and walking these trails, and literally standing in awe at the work of my Creator, that and the trails are steep so I get out of breath after awhile. Anyway, upon discovering said tree fort with past coworker Courtney, I attempted to climb the ladder. The first step is about the reach of arms above my head, not really an easy task for a girl with no upper body strength. With some struggle I was able to get myself to the second step, my  feet still braced against the trunk of the trees. I got scared to go for the third step, but really had no where to go, just a hill and a large rock below me, so while attempting to get down I fell. I have a really nice bruise on my knee, but hey, it matches the large bruises on my arms from this crazy hard server at volleyball on Thursday. I am a very bruised, but very tan, woman. But I will make it to the top of that tree.

What is the significance of 8 in the Bible? It first appeared for young Hebrews needing to be circumsized at day 8 of their lives, and then again in Exodus 23 with sacrifices. I brought this question up last night at a fire pit, which put out some interesting concepts on the significance. I feel like I once learned this and just can't quite grasp that knowledge out from my brain, so I'm hoping either someone can help me out or continuing to dig deeper into the Word the answer will reveal itself to me. I understand 3. I understand 7. I don't understand 8. I'm also curious why with Noah it was 40 days and 40 night, and again on Mt.Sinai with Moses it was 40 days and 40 nights- twice. Why 40/40? So there you have it, some numerical ponderings for the week. In college, I had to read the whole Bible for a class, Biblical Literature of the OT and NT. I remember reading it, and learning it and then forgetting it. Looking back, I was passing a test and not so much tucking it into my heart and really delving into the questions it brings up. I'm changing that now.

The Unemployed Life

Not to be confused with the "glamorous life," as many might believe. In less than a week I will have fulfilled a month in the life of the unemployed, unsettling. Rejuvenating. Relaxing. Restless. So many polar opposite responses to this new life I find myself in.

I've been reading a book about two homeless guys, written by them about their experiences on the streets and the treatment they received from society, specifically examining the treatment from Christians across the country. Perhaps this is foreshadowing of my future? Either way, this new found time on my hands has been a great opportunity to pick up the paperbacks, challenge my way of thinking and living, and then learn how to go about incorporating change into my everyday life.

Reading these books ranging in genre has also helped me realize the importance of reading the Bible, which I would say is it's own genre as it needs no other written work to complete or portray its message. I would like to get through the entire Bible this summer, whether a job comes into play or not. Taking a step back  this summer I examined the things I waste my time with- watching tv, the internet, singing loudly and giving one person concerts in my house, taking photos, staying active outside...not to say this is what I use all my time up with but I would say its the majority of my time spent that falls into the unproductive category. I've realized that I could engage one form of learning, by reading the Bible, or I could engage multiple ways to incorporate this large goal into my life- by reading, listening and using my love of nature and the arts to better appreciate and understand the words that I'm slowly tucking into my heart. So...with that said, I bought the entire audio Bible in a dramatic reading (background music and noises included) and have been listening to that every day. Since it's MP3 CD's, perfect for the car and the iPod. I am loving it! I've also realized that I have been incorporating Old Testament trivia into my daily witty banter. Getting down OT style.

I am so ecstatic to spend time in the Word this summer, learn more about my Creator and better understand what life I am called to live! Gosh, if you feel like discussing the OT I would love to do so, as I truly want to understand, because I truly want to love.

Let's see here. I also joined a volleyball league at the Courthouse. Selected and bought paint for my rocking chair which I have been faithfully sanding in the mornings before the sun creates too bad of a tank line. Caught tadpoles and nurtured them into frogs. Sometimes I fear I shouldn't document my pass times as it tends to create an image of me as an 80 year old woman conducting science experiments and whittling wood cats while I watch my basil grow. Which is mostly not true.

Examining my past I have loved with my mind, but I want to learn how to love with my heart. I want action and movement. I want change in my heart and the world around me. I feel blessed to have been given this opportunity to dive in head first this summer. I pray daily for the job I already know God has provided, but I also pray that I use this time given to me and treat it as a gift and not a stumbling block in this currently unemployed life of mine.

Waiting for this day to arrive

Is this my first post unrelated to work? I think it just may be. So this is what growing up feels like...

The seasons change and so do we. I've come to this realization recently, I've changed and will change, and I pray to God I'll change some more after that, again and again. I've come to another realization known as- things I want out of life. And lastly, I've realized rubber boots may be the most comfortable shoe choice available. That truly was a life altering concept.

If you asked me when I was 16 what I had hoped for in life by the time I was 25 I think I would've answered something along the lines of, "well, I hope I'll be married after I graduate college or sometime during, I hope I'll be mid med school for pathology so I can help people by better understanding disease and death, I hope I'm involved in a church and have gotten to travel some." If you would've asked me when I was 21 (which is how old I was when I graduated college) I think it would've gone something like this, "I hope that I will have met the person I'm going to marry and am dating them with marriage in the near future, I hope I'm working for an organization I believe in and enjoy showing up to day after day, I hope that my trust in the Lord has been fulfilled because right now I can't understand why I can go on to live another day and others don't, and I hope that at 25 I have maintained all the important relationships in my life that are with me right now."

I turn 25 in less than a month.
 If you were to ask me right now, here is what I'd have to say. I hope that I daily continue to rely on the Lord for strength and wisdom, I hope that I meet a person I want to marry that opens up the doorway of better understanding God's love for me, and I hope that in the future I can have kids so that I can truly understand the sacrifice of the cross, the pain and anguish a parent must've felt allowing His own son to die. I hope that I understand what my strengths are enough to help people, and that I am humble enough to allow my weakness' to also help others. I hope that I continue to have a curious mind that reads and learns and shares. I hope I can eat healthy, to stay healthy. And I hope I never get blinded by material or monetary things, because I'll be honest, sometimes I like shiny things. And most of all, I am thankful. I have learned to not only pray, keep faith and grow but to be thankful, and my hope is that I grow more thankful for the good and for the bad.

It's refreshing to know I've changed. It's also refreshing to know the amount of things I want in this life have shrunk as every year passes. The world has told me that as I get older my aspirations should get more specific and defined, much like my 16 year old dreams of marrying Superman and being a kick-A scientist. Wow, writing that out has also helped me realize the truth in how nerdy I truly was and am. However, my current goals have taken a turn in the opposite direction and decided to broaden up their horizens and have no specific boundaries. There is one focal point from which everything stems, so I guess you could say I only have one aspiration in life now- to glorify God in all that I do, to show my thankfulness for the grace so willingly bestowed upon me and the great part is- there's no one specific direction with navigation signals that I have to take. I don't have to be my 16 year old self, my 21 year old self (which, lets me honest, was a teardrop away from an emotional breakdown) or even my current 24 year self. I just have to be the best me today.

Things I've recently bought and/or done which in turn solidify my nerdness-

• Bought Window Markers
• Bought a book about toxic fat
• Bought a book about a guy who decided to become homeless
• Acoustic CD's...yeah, a bought physical CD's
• Wore green rubber boots for a large portion of Easter, willfully.
• Asked for Scattegories and Scrabble
• Watched Kyle XY, a very badly made show.
• Wished that Jake from 16 Candles was real and would awkwardly come knock on my front door.
• Wished there was a 25 Candles, so that there could be a more realistic my aged Jake that could then come awkwardly knock on my front door with a birthday hun cal fro yo. So hey, if you own a letterman jacket, have enough money for a frozen yogurt from love love teriyaki and know where I live, my Birthday is May 16th, I like the nonfat plain yogurt with fresh fruit and bad 80's movies.

Up Keep Is Not My Thing.

I can officially announce that no more travel stories, and lonesome filled blogs will be gracing this site anymore. My last travel season is now behind me, which I say with much relief and a little bit of sadness. At minimum two months out of every year, three months for one or more of those years, were spent traveling around Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, South Carolina and Idaho....averaging 7 months of travel. That is almost a year of my life, spent on the road. Crazy.
As a recap I thought it might be fun to share a few of the stories that I don't think I've shared on here before.  So here I present, CASEY'S TOP THREE TRAVEL STORIES...or at least some I can remember right now:

1. The Drug Cartel: I was staying in Bellingham, WA (covering a fair for another co worker) and had driven to this city I'd never laid eyes on before, getting in around 11pm. I had been at a fair near Seattle and drove on up after, night blindness and all. Night blindess is a frequent friend of mine, especially on the road with the unfamiliar areas. Anyway, I grabbed a bite to eat to bring back to my hotel for dinner, and went into my hotel routine. Lay outfit out so as not to wrinkle. Set up toiletries in order of use. Shampoo and Conditioner in shower. Sweatpants on immediately. Etc.
Other than the room being intensely creepy, with short 3 ft hallways jutting out and little dwarf doors near the floor, obviously with elf like people waiting to kill me in my sleep, things went well. I should also explain that the hotel was broken into 4 separate buildings, the entrances into each hall of the 4 story building consisted of walking up stairs on either side, outside, and using a key card to get into the hall where the rooms were.
I'm fast asleep. 2 am rolls around. I hear shouting and banging and decide to see what is going on. Looking through my peep hole in the door I see half a dozen uniformed men with very large guns pounding on the door next to mine. I look out my window and see more police cars and men with more large guns encircling my building. I'm on the 4th floor mind you, the only other room occupied is the one next door. Turns out there was a drug sting, in the hotel room next to mine, until around 4am. I got up at 6am for the fair the next day. Brilliant.

2. The Two Insanely Long Days of Travel: the first was when I had WA, so my first year working here. I finished a fair somewhere in the Olympic Peninsula at 8:30pm and then drove to Portland immediately following and stayed with the Dennis'. I remember getting in sometime around midnight or a bit past. A slept for a couple of hours and then got up around 4am to catch a very early flight to Idaho. Once in Idaho, I drove to an applebee's and changed clothing, ate, freshened up and then went to a college fair where I gave three back to back 45 minute speeches to full classrooms. I then completed another fair that night and left first thing in the morning. I was in ID for 26 hrs total. Second travel insanity- I got dropped off at the San Jose Airport, where I waited for my flight for 8 hrs because it was a car driving home and that's when they passed through town. After waiting my 8 hours, I boarded and then flew to Arizona. From Arizona I landed in Newark, NJ around midnight and waited there until 2am my time. Which included jumping on a bus to get to another terminal, by myself, in the dark and with slightly questionable people around. And from NJ I flew to South Carolina, where I was picked up by my aunt for another week long road trip. That day consisted of traveling for close to 27 hours straight. I was a hot mess.

3. The Drunk. The Biker. And Me. : This night consisted of me staying in Burns, OR (I think). I got in late at night once again, and showed up to this small town that apparently doesn't believe in street lights. There was a Subway open for 10 more minutes, which I promptly took advantage of for dinner, mind you it was the only thing open for dinner. And then went to find my hotel. There were two hotels in the city, as far as I could tell. Mine, with an outdoor access, I was able to find pretty quickly. I checked in and then went outside and up the stairs to my room. The parking lot consisted of all bikers, my Corban car and a couple beat up trucks. And there were two men stumbling around outside, drunk out of their mind. I went into my room, locked the door, pushed the table against the door and prayed I got the channel for America's Next Top Model- which I didn't. The two drunk men sat outside of my door and front window until early in the  morning swapping drunk stories, literally in front of my door. And I had no phone service. All in all, I was happy the bikers were there. After getting caught up in the middle of Sturgis the summer before, I felt a kinship towards the leather clad people but no kindship towards the drunk men. The hotel cost $35 for the night. There was my warning.

Oh, can I add in another bad hotel! There was another night that I accidently ended up staying in Stockton, California. When I checked into my hotel, it was another outdoor access, I asked the lady at the front desk if it was a fairly safe area. She looked at me with big eyes and was like "sure......you won't be going outside right?" What! I had a fair that night and didn't get back in until late, I ran to my room.

I've definitely felt God's provisions while I've been on the road. From terrible hotels, to "maintence" men trying to get in my room at 6am, to storms that haulted my travel and stuck me in random towns, so many wrong turns I lost count, and lots of bad food I am still alive, and have learned a lot. I've been told I should make a book of my travels and use this blog as a resource, so perhaps I'll do that and you should keep your eyes and ears out for my travel book, name still unknown. :o)

I Am Home

So I've been home for a couple of weeks now, and as usual, don't maintain this blog once I get comfortable in my wonderful cozy home. Plus, I don't have internet or tv at my house, so really my already minuscule technology skills go down the tube.

This is a note to self- when air outside is cold, it is rainy and you feel like warm delicious food will make you feel wonderful, this is actually a lie. Do not eat the dining hall enchiladas just because they look warm and yummy, they are not. Stick with the cucumbers and rice, as usual, when dining with visitors on campus. Your face doesn't hide your disdain, and your acting skills are sub par, remember this or face the consequences of yet again eating unsatisfying food.

Since being home it has been a whirlwind of chaos. So busy, every day, every hour. I feel like I've been running a marathon for the last three months and I'm ready to tag someone else in. Let's pass the baton off before I chuck it at someones head. I can't complain too much though, the hustle and bustle of home has been refreshing and are usually fun activities. I did get to dress up for Halloween, as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Even as a grown adult, I still enjoy dressing up in costumes. My goal for next year is to get a group of us to do a group themed costume. Like the cast of The Office, or Glee, or as Natalie suggested, Clue. How fun!
We have also decided to instill a new event into our monthly calendars. The Potluck Game Night. This night will be consisting of games and a potluck. Whoa. Novel. :o) So last game night, I hosted at my place and prepared the main course, which was soup. I made both from scratch, Coconut Curry Butternut Squash and African Spicy Peanut Soup, I was very please with the flavor of both and from the no left overs I assume everyone else also was pleased.
I've also had 75th Birthday parties, more school visits, football games, wedding receptions, dinner dates with friends, and to come in this next week are- salon anniversary parties, Girls night, our campus preview weekend and a trip to Idaho for three days, a Birthday party/Going away party in Sunriver and the following week is another Birthday outing and Thanksgiving. Love the Holidays!

I don't who reads this, which really sometimes I wish I could stalk and see, because I'm like that but if any of you are young women and want to join a Bible Study, some friends and I are starting a new Beth Moore series the first week of December. We've decided to actually keep one consistently going on once a week, just rotating through different books of interest. The first of which will be Loving Well by BM. Just let me know, we'd love to have you.

One of the weird thoughts that crossed my mind today, really randomly, was hell. I think it was because I saw something on facebook about someone who passed away who to my knowledge did not have a relationship with Christ and it just really registered what that meant for them. Now, I truly hope that I am wrong for this person because if not then they are in hell. It's like I know I believe there is a heaven and a hell, and I know I believe an individual goes to one or the other. I also know I believe there is only one way to Heaven, and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ. But then, I forget. I forget about hell. To be specific, I forget that people I know go to hell or will go hell. People I know. Now that hits home. The Great Commission takes on a whole new meaning when I think about the alternative as literally being hell. Now, I've never been there.... I've had some conversations that I thought came close, but I've got to assume its pretty wretched. An eternal hellish conversation in a pit of fire. Or eternally listening to aweful music, in a pit of fire. You can pretty much add anything as long as it ends with "in a pit of fire." Eating fried chicken and biscuits stuffed with honey butter forever, in a pit of fire. That last one may or may not be one of the worst days of my life, turns out I have a sensitive stomach that doesn't like bread, butter or anything fried....

Anyway, I was just thinking about that and wanted to write it down. Probably more as a reminder to myself then anything. Really we should all be walking around with this in the back of our minds. How we act and live our life should reflect Christ, how we treat and love others, ultimately should reflect Christ, and the words we choose to leave others, should be reflecting Christ. I don't think I'm called to be a missionary, but I do have a mission, just as we all do; and personally, I would like to know that the people I know are not in hell but rejoicing in Heaven. I have always said that my first day in Heaven, I don't want a tour and I don't want to be adorned with crowns, I want to sit down and have a coffee with Christ and those I love who got there before me. I'm hoping that when I look at that table filled with coffee cups and faces, I don't look around and wonder why someone isn't there.

Oct. 21st

Tomorrow, I come home.
This deserves a line of its own.

I have officially caught a cold. Started coming on Tuesday, hit harder last night, and today I woke up with a full fledged cold, the kind that even hurts your teeth because its messed with the sinus'. Hopefully I can get rid of this thing by the time I come home tomororw because this weekend is jam packed busy. And last time I flew back into the Portland airport with a cold from Boise I had an intense pain and water squirt out of my eyeball. Gross right. I asked around a bit after that happened and no one else had ever said they'd heard of something like that, it was the oddest thing. Facinating though.

The youth group visit went really well last night. I wish I would've had more energy then I had, but you work with what you've got and give it your best go, all we can really do I suppose. I love Idaho....they are awesome. That is a broad statement to liking all of what Idaho has to offer, but its almost completely true. Tonight I have the National Christian College Fair to attend, lets pray I don't lose my voice as its been wavering all day on the brink of leaving me.

Sometimes, as a white, middle class, woman in her 20's I feel as though I have no voice. I was just watching a commercial, addressing financial issues for a specific race, I've never seen it issued to a specific demographic known as the student who wants to go to college, regardless of race. Student doesn't specify race, it specifies future. It may be very possible that because I am white, or because I grew up in a home with two parents working to support their family, or because I decided to take out loans on my own accord to attend college and get myself an education and now have debt to pay off without government support, perhaps because I worked hard in high school to get good grades and made a decision to do choir, volleyball, have a job in high school, leadership, year book; perhaps these past experiences have blinded me to prejudices. But then again, maybe I have no voice and therefore have no right to know what a prejudice is. You know when I applied for scholarships to college in high school I fell in the middle gap, I didn't have a 4.0 standing but I also had no specific racial background, my parents weren't on welfare but if we didn't work we would've been, so there wasn't all that much I could be given. This might be a bit of a vent, and crossing so many political correct stipulations, but I have a voice.

I fully believe in helping the poor, giving money and resources to the less fortunate (regardless of the race the individual may be), I think it's awesome that tribes give Indian students money, or some countries will provide students with money for an education if they work hard enough. I dislike the separation of the classes, and don't see more worth in someone who produces a vast income then a person who makes just enough money to get by. But then I don't really undersand why myself and others in my position don't always receive the help they need- I work hard and I make very little, I do what I am able to do for those who have less and I admit I could most assuredly do a lot more, I pay for health insurance and car insurance, I try to keep myself healthy so hopefully I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for using this said health insurance. And the worst part is I know that I am not even close to the worse off, not even a little bit close. The middle class in general are so overlooked in society because the rich make money off the poor, and at the very least when they take an economic hit they have money to fall back on and perhaps might cut out some extra luxuries. The poor, well they have it rough, but they at least get some government help, free health care, food stamps, grants and resources to help life. For those working hard I say give them everything we've got to give, help the poor who truly are working to make a better life for themselves, help them get to this middle class level and security. However...the middle class is a quickly changing demographic as the economy goes downhill, health care goes up, insurance goes up, it is continually splitting into opposite ends of the spectrum. To the poor for the majority, and some maybe getting a lucky break, to the rich.

I don't really know where i'm going with this and had no specific point to make. Sorry for the ranting. But not sorry I have a voice. I think i need a nap, my head hurts even more than before. But the fair tonight, one school tomorrow and home I come. :o)

October 19th...I'm 95% positive

Today was a great day with an early start. Had to be in Ontatio by 8:30am, so need to leave Boise by 7:20 or so. It's oddly unsettling leaving when the sun hasn't come up yet, I had to check the clock like three times just in case I woke up, showered and got ready when it was really only 3am. But in fact, was the correct time. It's unsettling at first that is, but then it is kind of nice to watch the sunrise and get the day going early. I guess I do enjoy morning, however, I still refuse to claim the term early bird.

After my visits today I got lettuce wraps to go from PF Changs, I would've stayed but I didn't have any quarters and only had 15 minutes left on my meter.

I think Kramer came out with the first skinny jeans in an episode of Seinfield. I assume the current generation also has as hard of a time getting out of a pair of painted on pants, I have not succumbed to a pair of skinny jeans yet, well I do have skinny black pants so I guess I'm half way there.

After eating my delicious lettuce wraps I went for a walk along the green belt next to the river. It's beautiful outside, just the perfect temperature with a slight breeze. Anyway, I walked along and the this thought kept going through my mind "Lord, what will you have me do?" This question is on mind everyday, but it really creeps into the forefront of my thoughts when I take the time to quiet myself and my surroundings. And I sit here and wonder this, "Lord, what will you have me do?" I am ready, I am willing and I am able, but Lord, what will you have me do?
I took a little while to walk down some rocks and sit and watch the river. Were there spider webs everywhere and did I get momentarily distracted with having to look in fallen tree limps and cut of trunks....I can't lie to you, why yes I did. But after that brief distraction I stood by the waters edge and watched it, and something came to mind. Water is mesmorizing, it calms an active mind, and its absolutely beautiful. More beautiful than an attractive man with facial hair, and you all know how beautiful I find them. Okay, perhaps, its just a different kind of beauty, on a whole other level. I realized what makes it so beautiful though, crazy that I've literally never realized what it was that makes it on this whole new level of beauty. It's the reflection. Bodies of water take the battered, broken fragmented life surrounding it and reflect it back to the world as this pure, peaceful and whole image. It is the reflection of the world around it that make is so beautiful.
Not to get to deep here, but it did make me wonder what I reflect to the world. I can only pray that I reflect the love of Christ, and as a broken, fragmented and ruptured individual the beauty of Christ shines through me to the world as a complete and peaceful image. Completed by the Father, and not of my own accord. The river can not be beautiful on its own, it needs the world around it to be broken, and it needs the ability to restore that beaten picture.

I would say it was a great walk, even though I did get blisters on the back of my heels.

Glee tonight. Perhaps its not healthy for one show to make someone so excited. When I come home I won't have tv or internet anymore, what is a girl going to do. I'm going to have to start dating someone with tv  just so I can watch it, the relationship secondary to the access to cable. Just kidding, mostly.

OMG. And Not in the Fun Usher Way

At this very moment I am so bored that I can literally hear myself losing my intelligence and gaining weight all at the same time. Apparently being home for almost a week showed me once again what normal life is like and now I don't know how to handle modern boredom. One can only stalk and search facebook for so long, and really the majority of the news fall into three categories- engaged, just got married, having/had baby. All of which I'm so glad to stalk, but it doesn't exactly help with the restlessness I currently feel, it actually exacerbates it and points out the singleness I find myself in, both in Idaho and in Salem.

The people above me are stomping grapes. The least they could do is bring me down some wine to take the edge off of their intrusive stomping.

I sound like I'm in a terrible mood, I actually am not at all. Just incredibly restless. I'm tired of watching TV, reading, killing time online....but find myself with not many other choices. I'd go walk the river, but being a young single woman Murder She Wrote, Matlock, CSI and other such shows have taught me this is a very bad choice. I'd go into downtown Boise but stores are closed and bars are open, not really my forte. Let me ponder what else....still haven't found the exercise room, but then again I haven't taken too much time to explore as it takes double the time to walk the hall what with the smell I have to forge through, that thick. So I sit here with The Closer on and write yet again another blog posting. Never really seen this show, its not too shabby.

The rest of this week should be pretty busy. Youth group Wednesday (third year visiting it), College fair Thursday and fly home Friday. Woohoo! I think tomorrow I'll take the time to go into town and walk around the shops and eat at PF Changs, get me some lettuce wraps. And then of course I reserve the hour of Glee whenever possible, and thankfully this week nothing was needing to be scheduled. It is like the one thing I look forward to when I'm on the road. However, it is a minute joy for the week, the real joy comes Friday when I get to come home, celebrate Birthdays with the family and get to go to church Sunday. That totally reminded me of the song "but the real joy comes in the morning." So I sit here completely and utterly bored out of my mind, and completely and utterly so thankful for the life that I live. Bless beyond belief. A thankfulness for family and friends that words cannot fathom, they can't even attempt to articulate the meaning behind those feelings.

I, with my all my heart, despise Old Navy commercials.

Boise.Meridian.Eagle.Nampa.Caldwell.Ontario.Garden City.

This entire week is based out of Boise, ID. One of my all time favorite cities in the US. I get a lot of funny looks when I say that, but come over here and check it out and you'll see what I mean. It's sunny but chilly- the perfect fall mix, surrounded by mountains and rivers, downtown is full of boutiques, coffee shops, eccletic food and there aren't all that many people that live here- hear not that much traffic and friendly faces.
After three back to back visits today I went to Target to buy some gifts for the counselors I visit, I made the cutest little striped paper chocolate gift baggies with cupcake stickers to hold the folds down. Trust me, adorable. I felt very Martha Stewartish. Scratch that, I feel very Martha Stewartish.

So I may have finally settled on a new church home. I'm still not one hundred percent positive, but I really enjoyed this last week's sermon. I still want to try Court Street Christian, because I've heard so many wonderful things but I do like Salem Alliance. I came back this past weekend after trying it awhile ago, kind of made my circle through the Salem churches and back here I settled. I felt it a good omen when they showed a slide on the big screen for a "newcomers" night, because I so badly want to be plugged and rooted in a church for the long hall. I crave that in fact. In a women's group, in a 20's/30's group and working in the nursery. These are the things I'm looking for at this particular time in my life. Well, looking for in a church that is.There are a few other things I could think of that I'm also seeking, or waiting for is maybe a better verb.

I wish I would've brought headphones and my iPod to Idaho because my hotel is perched right next to the river. I plan on walking it to get some fresh air, a little exercise (because finding the work out room here at the hotel is like finding a needle in a nicotine ridden haystack) and it is just nice to walk and contemplate life while out in nature. Gosh, if I could also do another activity today I would love to do some painting right now. I've got a jonesin' for some crafts and arts time.

Watching NCIS while I type this. Direct quote from the show "blog...whats a blog?" "You know, a blog. Something losers write online to let everyone know what they're thinking."
Great. I just got put down by a TV show. Not even a main character on the show, a one time visitor with all of two lines.

You know the satisfactory feeling of cleaning. Perhaps, I stand in a minority group here, the group that loves to clean, loves having things clean, and loves coming home to clean things. However, before i left this Sunday I took the time to clean, and then clean some more. My room is vacuumed, bed is made, clothes are washed and in full color coordination, downstairs bathroom has been scrubbed from top to bottom, kitchen dishes are done, floors are swept and mopped, garbages are emptied...ahh....its even cathartic to discuss it.

Have you ever thought about what character you would like to play in a movie or book? Growing up of course I had a fondness for Jo from Little Women- because she was bold, did what was right, helped the poor, talked funny when reciting plays. Belle from Beauty and the Beast was probably even more, cartoon character or not she is cool- spent a lot of time in libraries and magical castles, wore blue, had imperfect hair with a strang always falling in her face, ended up with a big dude with sweet facial hair and got to talk to inanimate objects all the time. Awesome life. Or Nancy Drew-solving mysteries with George and Bess, being pursued by Ned Nickerson- all American football stud muffin...So apparently my childhood dreams consisted of big hairy men, bold/intelligent/Daddy's girl women, castles and well structured dresses. You know, I think I'm still okay with that come to think of it.

Sometimes when I drive I pretend to be a race car driver, not to the extent of making obnoxious engine noises but to the extent of in my head making wild turns and over exaggerating my arms when I turn. This of course, only when I'm alone.

I think I'm still recovering from this last flight. I didn't end up getting to check into my hotel until arond 11pm, and not to bed until around 1am just because I hadn't had dinner (which consisted of fruit snacks, regular sunchips and a cookie- all of which sold behind the front counter of the hotel), wanted to unpack a few items, lay my clothes out flat before major crease-age took place....these things take time. And then woke up early for my first school visit. Gosh, best flight ever though, no one sat next to me so I sprawled out in as much of a lady like manner as I could and read the entire time. It was so quick that landing actually scared me, I was not anticipating it.

Let the walking begin.

Salem, OR

So I finished off last week in Bend, sorry I didn't update very often while there...and have been home since Friday. Don't think I'm getting all comfy and settled back into normal life though, I leave again on Sunday for my final trip of the year....and it's only for six days. Woohoo! And then I'll get comfy and settled back into Salem life, and I am so excited. Like a kid in a candy shop, except I'm an adult in a yellow peacoat, sipping a warm sugarfree cinnamon dolce latte, in the comfort of my home town.

Back in the office I feel like I've had a million things to catch up on. First, I had a bunch of voicemails to listen to, they are really hard to get to work on the road- I have never wanted to believe it but I am realizing I'm a bit technology challenged. I have stacks of mail at my house, mostly sorted through as of now. Phone calls to make to accepted students. Receipts to organize, title and turn in. Tons of receipts, if there was a word to make it even more plural past the added "s," I would use it. Cards to sort, label and turn in. People to catch up with. Peacoats to be worn. Local school visits. Corvallis college fairs. Laundry, heaps of laundry. This has been my week so far. It has been wonderful too, I am loving every minute being in this town, no matter what I'm doing. Crisp fall mornings, they make everything better in the world.

I went to my old high school today and it was amazing to see so many teachers and get a chance to talk to some of them. I've been back there a few times, in fact I even went for this job last year, but this visit for whatever reason was when tons of teachers were available and out and about. I ran into so many of the amazing teachers there, reminds me how I want to get into a school someday and make a difference how they do for so many students. Plus, its a beautiful building, I just love it there.

I should probably get going and get some more office work done. Next week comes more stories from the road, and I'll be sure to update more often than Bend. Heather...that is specifically for you. :o)

Oct. 5th

Have I ever confessed that one of my favorite things about school visits is the visitor sticker I so proudly get to wear. I even get a little disappointed when they don't make me wear one, my favorite are the ones that actually state what school it is. It's amazing how wonderful life can be when simple things bring such joy. Some might choose the word sad, I say joy.

So today I continued my task of finding a grey dress the upcoming wedding. This story both consists of 1-my search of the day and 2-finding a perfect dress online within like 10 minutes back at the hotel. So 1- finding the dress. I went down to the outdoor mall in the Old Mill district today and one of the stores I went into, Mo Mo I think it as called, an asian lady was working....I'm going to guess she owns the place because a little asian baby was sitting on a chair watching a computer screen in the middle of the store. Any who, she asks me if I'm looking for anything in particular and so I tell her "why yes, a grey dress." So she shows me that there are two grey dresses in the store. She holds one up, and goes "I don't think this would fit you. What size are you." I will preface this that the dress she held up was cinched into a 5 inch width and when held up to my body barely covered my torso. The real wild part of the story, however, is that as she asked me what size I am she was sticking her hands into my cardigan and putting her hands around my rib cage What! After, she wanted me to try the dress on, yeah, apparently after groping my ribs she thought I might be able to squeeze into the skanky little dress. I politely declined, as when I walk into a room I'd like my virtue to remain intact. 2- Upon returning back to my hotel room, getting online and hitting up j crew, I found a adorable grey dress on sale for under $100. Done and done.

I have had this odd feeling of wanting to nest and decorate. Today I bought a set of nicer towels for the downstairs bathroom. I also bought an adorable candle holder from World Market, a glass capped pitcher for my favorite homemade salad dressing (dressing courtesy of the Miller cousins) and a spatula because we only have one.....now two.You know what this means- I can mix with both hands at the same time.
I really want a throw pillow.

I feel like I've produced a double chin over the course of this travel season. Can't wait to get back to the courthouse gym and start working out consistently again. This d.c. will be gone like the wind. Speaking of d.c., I once had a coffee drink named after me at North Salem in their Coffee Shack. That's right folks...basically famous, I had a drink named after me called the Iced D.C. It stood for Donica.Casey, our drink of choice from the before mentioned coffee shop. It was also, at the same time my aunt had moved to Washington D.C., and everyone teased me that they were sure sorry to see my mother move across the country (according to the family we resemble each other quite a bit both in appearance and expressiveness). You be the judge.

Thanks for allowing me this narcissistic story, as I had an asian lady judge me for not purchasing her prostitute outfit. A little self indulgence memory reliving wipes that slate clean.

If I ever accept an award for anything, please do not allow me to do a twirl on stage.

I've decided I want to get my gun handlers license. Or permit. I suppose in order to do this I should learn some proper terminology, but with that said, I want to know how to handle a gun. To have confidence in myself to respect and use a gun correctly, because truth be told I assume at this point in life I would either have it easily taken away from me, shoot my own foot in nervousness or point a gun at a bad person and never realize it's on safety the entire time. We all know its true, I can't deny it.

October...4th

First and foremost, happy birthday to my wonderful little sister today! woohoo, you are officially 12 years old! Enjoy the age, its a good one. :o)

After this week is over I will have only slept in my own bed for one night in the past month....you read that right, one night in a month. Now before you go getting any ideas, those other 29 nights have been in hotel rooms with the company of my mother or my book. This week I find myself in Bend, OR. I started this morning before it was even light outside and drove to Madras. It was beautiful outside, the sun coming up and shining beyond Smith Rock, and later down the road a perfect view of Sisters Mountains and...Five Fingered Jack. Maybe its another number because all hands have five fingers so that confuses me why it would be a distictive feature to a mountain top.

"Looks like tarzan and plays like Jane." Hilarious quote from that new football movie that I'm currently watching and completely unaware of the name of. And thus also displaying how easily distracted I am.

Coming home for a day was rejuvenating. Got to see wonderful friends and family, clean my clothes, and be in familar areas for almost two days.  I so look forward to my week home next week. Ohmygoodness, I want to go watch some football so badly, I miss those days of games every week! But you won't catch me watching it on tv, now if I knew the personalities and names of the players that would totally change it.

I totally had things I wanted to say but I've forgotten them all. I'm excited to go to North Salem next week, it always brings back so many memories walking those halls. And so many faces I'm happy to see and catch up with. Although, when I was there is was a completely different place than it is today I'm sure. It makes me wonder where it'll be in another 6 years.

Since I have nothing to really say, I'm out for now.

Sept. 30th

Of any days that deserve to be blogged from the last three weeks its today. Today has been....terrible. Well, not true, today started terrible and ended alright. I feel as though this should be outlined in chronological order.
7:30am- I leave for my first school visit, which starts at 8am. I get there early, the address I had was actually the school district building verses the actual school, so the school district office gives me the "proper" address. I get going, hoping to only be a bit late. Turns out it took me to an empty field.... all that to say, I called the school I was suppose to be at and got chewed out by the counselor. Curse words come to mind. I bit my tongue while she beraided me for not knowing how to get there, attacked my character for getting lost and basically told me I was incompetent and irresponsible. Awesome.... its not often that people's words can bring me to tears, but I was on the verge. It's also not often I wish I wasn't a calmer person, I actually got off the phone wishing I was someone who could blow up and give this lady back what she was dishing out, but yet I'm not that person so I continued apologizing and took it.

After this terrible phone conversation I needed to get gas and get to another city quite a distance away. Pulled into a gas station, they only took debit or cash. So getting back into my car, I dropped my keys under my seat and had the hardest time getting them back out. I think I was just flustered.

My second visit was actually great. However, throughout the day a storm started coming into Victorville. The counselor even warned us it could be a really bad one tonight as its been workin' its way into town for three days and the winds had picked up quite a bit. It didn't start flash flooding just sprinkling and the winds picked up to a decent mileage. The drive to Long Beach after the fair was actually not bad. The beginning was filled with lightening bolts, I could even see them hitting the ground in the distance. Both sides of the highway. Light sprinkling, nothing too much. And high winds. Not terrible, way better than what was expected and I even made it into town at a decent rate.

Writing my day down makes it not seem as bad as it felt at the time it happened. It definitely wasn't even as bad as the Old Navy commercial I just saw on the tv. I don't think I get yelled at by people very often, and I've got to see I do not appreciate it one bit. Through off my grooze for the whole day.

I come home to Salem tomorrow! I leave again Sunday for Eastern Oregon, but then I'll be back for a whole week after that. I am so excited to sleep in my own bed, do some laundry, wear something not provided in my suitcase. I'm even excited to use full sized toiletries, not use a GPS to get to the next destination, know I might pass someone I know on the street. I like those things. The small things. Or in the toiletries case, the big things.

Photos from last few days. Blog below.

A random sampling of past days.

 Both of these, the birds and myself, are from Marina Park at Ventura Beach.

 Henry. Our beloved spider friend. I was enamored.

Sept. 29th- Thousand Oaks, Westlake Village, Sun Valley and Lancaster

Hello LA traffic. I had been wondering when that particular spectacle was going to hit me, today. Today was the day I hit LA traffic. I truly don't understand why people put themselves through that everyday, it took hours to navigate between a few cities surrounding upper LA and Hollywood. I am by no means a celebrity junkie or fawn at the site of someone famous but there is this childish part of me that wanted to go to Hollywood! I've actually never been there before, and all I kept thinking about was the Anthony Kiedis biography I read a few years ago and how he walked the streets of Hollywood way back in the day. I wanted to walk those same streets....although, time restraint and the knowledge that most likely those streets would attempt to kill me in present day kept me from even trying.

For those of you who don't know who Anthony Kiedis is he's the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He lived a life filled with drugs, sex, other various addictions, spirituality (not religion, not relationship, let me clarify), music and wandering the streets of Hollywood. It was an interesting life story. The truth is, in all of it, you could see that he has a good heart, misplaced, confused, empty of the true love of Christ, but a heart that wants to do the right thing. Probably one of the best biographies I've ever read, even with the foul language and some controversial lifestyle choices.
You will all be way more pleased with my recent readings. I finsihed the Robert Whitlow book, as boring and addictive as I knew it would be. And today I started Jane Eyre, which has been interesting so far. It's a hard transition in use of language between the books I've read recently, not in choice of words, but in order of words. The time period the book was written, or the location the book or author are from change how its read a lot, I just skipped form 20th century to the 1860's or somewhere in that realm.

I met with some students at 8am at Oaks Christian School this morning, in Westlake Village. Beautiful campus and great facilities. One of the most well known Christian schools in CA, probably in the US. Many famous actors and athletes children go or have gone there. Joe Montana, Will Smith....some other athletes, etc. I've got Hollywood fever, name dropping left and right. Haha. I think I need to eat something.

I come home in two days! A fair in Victorville tomorrow night, a long drive back to Long Beach, and I fly out Friday morning. I am so excited, sleep in my own bed for at least two nights. And by at least two nights I mean, exactly two nights, and the I hit then road for other five days in Eastern Oregon. Home for a week after that though, so hope to see some of you during that time period.

Sept.28th- Ventura, Thousand Oaks, Santa Barbara,Ojai

I sit once again in a Starbucks. Beloved Starbucks, I feel like I should greet the people walking in "welcome to my home away from home," because I spend more time in Starbucks as a whole than anywhere else on the road. I'm directly under an AC vent, however, and its frigid.

I sat by the ocean for an hour before this. Walked around for a bit, found a perfect bench and sat and read for a good length of time. It was peaceful with the waves sloppily hitting the rocks beside me, I could even feel the ocean mist every so often. (((Side note- I don't know what I hit but this blog box just got big and became a different font....))))) As it was peaceful and beautiful, a perfect place to read, I'll probably smell like beach scum when I go out for dinner later this evening. Ah the price to pay for reading spots.

The last few days have flown by in a blur of family, driving and food. Since no church ever got back to me about Sunday to my dismay, and my families delight, I ended up having Saturday and Sunday to devote solely to them. It was awesome, and the perfect timing within my trip to have some more familiar faces around as I was hitting that extreme loneliness that sets in after two weeks alone. Needless to say, we ate, a lot of good food all weekend. We saw a lot of good people, and we caught up on a lot of good life stories. So much can change in a year, so I can't even imagine how much had changed in the eight years since my mom had been in Ventura.
Smell is equated with memory. Walking into my grandparents house, the distinct smell of their home feels like coming home. Walking into that familar smell brings back warm memories, memories that I probably couldn't even describe because I don't really even know what they are, but it more or less brings back a feeling of, home. Safety. Comfort.
Speaking of smells make me want a large dose of Wild Pear mop water to sniff in my room, not in a drug addicted way...well, a little bit. It's such a glorious smell, lemony fresh. Mmm... I love it.

I'm still on the search for a grey dress. I realize grey is one of those words that can be spelled with an E or an A, and that the majority of individuals use the A, however, I don't like the A. I use the E, and I use the E with purpose. Anywho, I tried like four more stores today for a grey dress and am having the hardest time finding one anywhere. Maybe as it gets closer to Christmas and winter, and Oregon, some grey dresses will start popping out of the woodworks because so far I can only find boodilicous ones with heaps of giantic glitter, or business suites fit for a lawyer. Neither of these I would particularly like to portray as a bridesmaid. Amazon.com hasn't even come to my rescue on this one, and we all know that really is my favorite place to shop. The excitment of first buying it online, and then secondly, receiving it in the mail. I'm basically paying Amazon to buy me a gift wrapped in a cardboard box. They might not splurge on the wrapping paper and bows, but they sure come through with exactly what I want, everytime.

I could go for a nap right now.

The fair in Santa Barbara last night was so hot. I'm not even kidding when I say the room we were housed in for the whole fair was probably 110 degrees or hotter the entire time. Since it was in an old school building, we first had to drag our bags and display cases up three flights of stairs, a feat in itself...and then schools were split into groups and placed in individual rooms. I for instance, had two other schools in my tiny math room. Then students and parents were free to wander about and pop into whichever rooms they'd life. We stayed fairly consistent, probably not nearly as busy as any CA schools there in the others rooms, but made some great connections. I had a mom stop by after and whisper to me "I just wanted you to know you were the best sales person here..." As much as I dislike the term salesperson in regards to my job, she meant it in the most complimentary way and was just trying to express her gratitude. That always makes a girl feel like thousand degree classrooms has a purpose and an end result...especially when I didn't intend to sale anything, I just told her the truth.

I've always known that I am a sower. I've never been much of a reaper or a harvester, but I can sow. This came to more of a realization when I was sitting talking to another Admissions Counselor from a small Christian university in the midwest. We'd been next to each other at every fair thus far, and have learned a lot about one another. Before you women get your mind wandering, it hasn't been romantic in any sense, purely platonic as he is engaged and I'm pretty sure we'd make great friends and nothing more even in other circumstances but he's an incredibly nice guy and a great person to chat with during slow times at fairs. So after days of sharing tables, hot rooms in Santa Barbara etc he said to me, "you know, what is God doing in your life? I feel like you know everything happening in my life and my story but I don't know anything about you yet." He continued with " you are a great listener. That's a really great quality in a person, especially a woman of God who wants to listen and ask questions in response, someone who is quiet and listens first, speaks second." I took a few thigns away from this conversation. 1- What a nice comment from someone I barely know. I always wander what someone walks away thinking about me. Not in a I care what people think about me but in a, was I a person I'd be proud of or respect. Would I think, that girl has someone I've got to have, she is so kind, etc. 2- I suppose I do listen more than I talk. To some regards. Some friends might beg to differ on that opinion, but in the general consensus of people. 3- I am a sower, not a reaper. Not a harvest, but a sower. What does that mean in my life. So much of what I think about on the road is application. Who am I becoming and who do I want to become. Is that the same thing, or on opposite sides of the spectrum? 4- Why do I have such a hard time answering the question "what is God doing in my life." Is it just me that has a hard time with that. Specific or general, intimate or just surface level. Maybe because I find relationship wtih God intimate, I find it an intimate topic in my life, that if someone really wants to know its going to need explaining in more than just a few simple words because a few simple words wouldn't even scratch the surface of intimate. I answered him of course, and more or less I told him some stuff I've been contemplating on the road and forcing willing people to read in this blog but these things go through my mind from even that simple question.

As another funny note, I've had headphones in since I got to this Starbucks, quite awhile ago. I just realized I never turned music on, and the music I've been listening to is the Starbucks music in the background. I agree more and more with my moms thought on me sharing some qualities with Katherine Hegel in the movie Killers. How did the station DooWoop get on my Pandora, what the heck is DooWoop. Deny.

That's all I got for now. As Gavin Degraw says- "You have to follow through." Granted, he's talking about feelings for someone, and giving your heart to someone, but it is true that in all other cirumstances in life we have to follow through. Words without action are pointless.Print on a paper. So I go with Gavin, my buddy and pal, we have to follow through.