I felt it should be public knowledge that as I write this today, I’m dressed more like a camp counselor than a college counselor. Sometimes even I’m astounded by my own resistance into attire better suited for an adult in the workforce. Granted, I have a boot on my foot and the sun is blazing into Oregon like a bug and a magnifying glass which forces me into shorts; but my clothing choices are making me want to suddenly break into a rendition of Kumbaya around a campfire while eating confiscated treats from the Snack Shack.
Which thus in turn makes me want to float the river and then devour BLT’s with an obscene amount of B from Lardo’s. My mind is currently reeling a slide show of the summer I lived in the Idaho mountains and played outside everyday with the most amazing team a girl could ask for.
But back to the present.
As I was driving to the doctor’s office yesterday to pick up my boot I couldn't help but smile. I am so happy. I am the type of happy that comes from within, that joyous feeling that external situations can’t change. Not to downplay any memories from the past, because some of the best moments of my life live only through memories now; but this has been the best year yet. I can’t help but feel excited for what is to come. Hope is bubbling up, reemerging. The last few years have been a slew of questions asking “Why? Where? When? Who?” This year is a slew of thank you’s.
A thank you to a God Almighty who has answered every question I could ever dream of asking, a thank you for the unveiling of those answers in His time, a thank you to each of my friends and family who are so supportive, wise and freakin’ funny. A thank you to those who have pushed me. A thank you to those who have helped me understand the importance of a Savior. A thank you to those who have unknowingly changed my heart through my prayer time over their hearts. A thank you to a Christ who allows me to be not what I've been but what I am meant to be.
I do not have to be broken.
And hear me when I say this, YOU do not have to be broken.
The only thing broken in my life are the chains that tethered me to a life of unfulfilled questions and uncertainty, because I am quite certain that the God of all things, the Shepherd, the Healer, the Redeemer of my life has chosen to love me, heal me and precede me at all times and in all things.
I was lying in bed a couple of nights ago, unable to fall asleep. The caffeinated homemade coffee ice cream I consumed (which tasted like the Tony Awards…a little classy. A little sassy. A lot awesome.) and the eternal flame that apparently heats my house like an oven, combined with my stubborn ignorance of not turning on the AC resulted in me lying in bed for hours just thinking. I was thinking about how if I am wrong that there is a God, if my life’s devotion has been in vain, I can still die happy knowing that I lived a great life and that the lie I chose to lead my life down resulted in happiness, hope and love. And that if I am right, I am so thankful that the only eternal flame I will ever know is that which heats my apartment when the rarity known as sunshine strikes Oregon.
This weekend I was also reminded that we serve a God that is specific. I spent time with an amazing friend recently, a friend who had some very specific troubles come to light and hit her heart hard. But we serve a God who is specific, who listens to our troubles and knows our individual needs. My pastor, unknowing of any visitor at his church that weekend, spoke on the very subject that was on her heart. Not close to it. Not just applicable to it. But the VERY subject. Our God is specific and our God answers.
A recipe I'm making tonight, Paleo style, for a shindig this week- Blueberry Lemon Cupcakes
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