While floating the river this past weekend a few friends and I got on to the topic of journaling. They were much surprised that I don’t journal, in fact, I’m even surprised that I don’t journal…until it dawned on me that my blog is my journal, I sort through this mess we call life on this thing. I process emotions, events, etc. though writing. So, just thought you’d want to know that you’re basically reading my journal, therefore you are also probably creepy, because you read people’s journals unbeknownst to the writer, and you’re probably currently sitting in a room alone or hiding in a corner alone on your lunch break pretending to text but really reading blogs and playing Candy Crush.
Just kidding. You most likely aren't creepy. Unless you have a mustache (under the age of 50) then your chances have significantly increased and you should probably do a quick Google search on “Am I creepy?” to see if you display any other characteristics.
These past couple weeks have reminded me of when the car crashed through my house a couple years ago. I’m not sure how many of you were around for that, but here’s a recap. Around 4am a Ford Expedition came barreling down our street, went through our yard, crashed through our covered front porch and landed in our living room. One would think that you would realize “oh, a car is my living room” but the loud noise waking us up in the middle of the night literally made us feel the horror that someone had broken into our home, had no intent to be quiet about it, and therefore was after us and not our cheap IKEA decorations. I literally thought I was about to be murdered, it’s the most terrifying thing that has ever happened in my life. The repercussions of the car left glass dropping which sounded much like footsteps walking on broken glass. A lamp fell over a minute or two after the initial impact. My roommate and I yelled through the walls, realizing neither of us were the cause of the commotion, we attempted to lock ourselves in our separate rooms... which incidentally had no locks to speak of. As I crammed my body against my door, pepper spray in hand, pants on inside out and backwards, foot wedged against the closet wall to brace myself should someone try to open the door, I had two thoughts. 1- Call 911 (which I did, and they came so quickly) and 2- God is in control.
In the midst of the most terrifying experience of my life, while I used my own physical body to keep my door closed from the horrors awaiting me on the other side (horrors that I’m sure were compounded by my past love of Criminal Minds), I knew that God is in control and I felt a peace surround me. In my head I sang it over and over and over. I don’t know how a Twila Paris song was the only thing being processed in my brain, or how I even knew a Twila Paris song to begin with, but really what better words of comfort could I have had. “This is not a time for fear but a time for faith...one thing we can always be sure of is that God is in control.”
I look at my life right now and I feel overwhelmed. I am mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically exhausted by the insanity that is my present and the vast magnitude that is my future. I sometimes feel like these huge decisions loom before me, how if I choose wrong will my life go completely haywire, or if I stubbornly sit and make the choice not to make any decisions (which ironically is a decision), if I stand with my back against the door and refuse to budge, would the consequences of inaction be better than the consequences of choosing wrong. But then I remember that our God is in control. He was there when I was blinded by fear. He was there when I was blinded by grief. And He is here, while I have been blinded by choices.
I am a blessed girl, because I serve a God that is in control.
Also because of: Family. Friends. Coffee. Living in the NW. An adorable apartment. A future Godly roommate in PDX in what will definitely be another adorable apartment. Sunshine. A job. The flexibility to have choices to even make. Being exhausted from too many good things. Prayer warriors. Science nerd stuff. 90’s TV shows. Photography. An abundance of delicious food and amazing cooks in my life. The fact that I’m now old enough that I don’t have to wear the new “mullet” style of shirts just to stay in fashion.
I leave you with a few things:
1. Our God is in control. He will not forsake you. He has been waiting for you to ask Him for help.
2. The Twila Paris music video, below, may be the 2nd or 3rd most horrifying thing I've come across. But the words and the message remain the same; it’s just delivered in an absolutely disturbing way.
3. If you would like to hear the most recent news about that scary house, let me know and I can tell you one of the most disturbing “ghost” stories. One of which Andrea and I both personally experienced (separately) while living at that house, and the news we recently heard about that house….which made us feel so much better about our very odd experiences there, and so grateful we moved out of it as quickly as we did.
The Twila Paris God is in control video. As promised. Horrifying, but great message. Now you can also see my questioning of how this song was the only thing in my head.
And of course, a little insta-love...