Who I Am

Love this. 

Today, I am 26 years old. Today my friend Natalie is also 26 years old. My friend Paul is 24 and my 7th grade history teacher must be in his 70's.  It's a pretty exciting day here in the beautiful NW.

26 things I would like to do this year:

1. Be a nobody. Tell everybody about somebody who can save anybody. 

2. Ride in a hot air balloon

3. Star gaze late into a warm summer night. And identify constellations. 

4. Go to New York. Whilst there pull an Audrey Hepburn and eat breakfast foods in fancy clothes while pondering beautiful things.

5. Hatch praying mantis eggs. You read that right. 

6. Make one full meal from my garden alone.

7.  Sow something beautiful. Without the help of a hot glue gun.

8. Learn to shoot a bow and arrow. Summon my inner Katniss I guess you could say.

9. Learn to trust in the Lord for everything, but especially number 10.

10. Wait for the right man to sweep me off my feet.

11. Start writing a book. Hopefully without that sounding too narcissistic thinking anyone would want to read it. 

12. Be an extra in a movie.

13. Make an unexpected new friend, in an unexpected way.

14. Cross off a couple more states from my list of visited.

15. Find time everyday to learn something new about Christ.

16. Find time for every single one of my friends and family members to do something special together. Whether simple, extravagant or crazy.

17. Finally watch the last of Friday Night Lights...I put it off because I didn't want it to end.

18. Save three months worth of expenses. Save 1 big trips worth of expenses. Save 2 small trips worth of expenses.

19. Do something last minute...for once in my life.

20. Make someone cupcakes for no reason other than I love them.

21. Be the kind of woman I would hope to see my sister become.

22. Go to a country concert, preferably at dusk and on grass. Outside, obviously.

23.  Go to the top of a skyscraper.

24. Learn to be less prideful, more humble. Less stingy, more generous. Less vain, more beautiful.

25. Dance. Dance like there is no tomorrow and no one is watching.

26. Change something big...I'm thinking- nose piercing, tattoo, chop my hair off, etc. 

I guess in 365 days from today we can see how I did. 

Thank you everyone for all the birthday love today, I have truly felt loved more than any other birthday ever, which I didn't even know was possible!

God & Greens

This may be a completely uninteresting topic to most but currently for me it’s as refreshing as a crisp afternoon sipping soy lattes and watching Ellen. This weekend I planted my very first grown up garden! Not knowing what I’m really doing my dad provided some much needed gardening knowledge and muscle power to help rototill my dried out dirt plot that was home to weeds and not much else. Now that it’s transformed into a mini paradise of soft nutrient rich dirt I was able to plant: watermelons, zucchini, eggplant, tomato, cauliflower, carrots, wild flowers, lavender, sunflowers, cucumbers, pansies, catmint, these beautiful big  purple flowers, rosemary, poppies, red cabbage, sweet potato sprouts and a mini strawberry patch. On my modestly small deck I also have snow peas, kale, swiss chard, basil, more wild flowers, mini roses and a beautiful frilly large flowering plant. Oh no, it doesn’t end here. As a final touch I’ve noticed some low spots that really hold water puddles all day after watering sessions and rainfall, where I’ll be planting Katniss, also known as arrowhead, which can grow in the soppy wet low spots and provide a nice tuber to roast and an airy white flower for show.

To say I’m pleased would be an understatement.

I like the feeling of dirt on my hands. I will proudly sport the elegant tan lines of a wife beater and the equally attractive ankle sock lines. I will even forgo sitting on the couch for crouching in the dirt to pull weeds until my legs are sore and my heart is full.

And believe you me, I will be posting some photos of the progress as my plant babies grow into adulthood.

I’m realizing this is a whole new way for me to commune with God. I feel His presence in Creation when I immerse myself in the basic elements that make it what it is. I see the scientific circle of life and the intricate details that can only have been bridged by one who is loving and wise. The internal workings of a plant are far more interesting when you consider the hands that carefully whispered them into creation and the delicate balance and dependency of all living things. It’s truly breathtaking.  

Food for Thought

 For a change of topic, here is a helpful trick I decided to try out last night. Now, some nutritional value is lost, but the convenience of it might outweigh the cons. I had some kale, spinach and celery quickly declining in my fridge so last night I decided to juice all of it with some lemons and freeze it all in ice cube trays. Like I’ve said before, freshly juiced items quickly oxidize and lose their goodness and spoil, although freezing is a way to keep juice for longer there are still elemental reactions to the air. This morning with my frozen green cubes I transferred them into an airtight freezer container for ready to use smoothie ice cubes. Now that’s a way to sneak spinach into any anti-greens diet individual! I suggest for kids using the line “it’s green because The Hulk blessed this smoothie for you personally.”

Count Down: 21 days until May 16^th, my 26^th birthday!

Some interesting garden info I found on companion planting

A delicious greens garden recipe, maybe accompanied with this fragrant cupcake for dessert?

Lastly, the work out class I’ve joined if you're interested in toning up and slimming down.

Have a great week!

Words that start with F

I can associate myself with a lot of things that start with the letter F. I’m a foodie. I’ve been asked if I used to be a fatty (apparently eating healthy means you once had a significant weight problem).  Faith, I think that one speaks for itself. Fall- my favorite season. Family. Football- my favorite sport, and not just because of Tebow, besides his name doesn’t start with an F. The F words really worked their way into the very core of who I am and who I am becoming.  

A new F word that might have made its way into my repertoire might be “fanatic.” I get easily distracted with new ideas, or new fads if you will. Mainly fads involving food. Before you go passing judgment, I always research new ideas until I’m blue in the face and have covered what I think are some pretty important components to one’s health & happiness: nutrition intake, time and money spent, fullness and taste.  Last week I completed a week long juice fast. I could see and feel the health benefits derived, felt full, spent more than a couple pretty pennies to indulge in this way of life, taste was…natural, and nutrition intake was incredibly high. To give you insight into an average meal, for instance, my breakfast go to was this juiced:                                                                                                                                                                          
1 cucumber, 4 stalks celery, 3 carrots, 1 orange, 1 apple, half a lemon, large bundle of spinach, few sprigs of parsley and two large leaves of kale.                                                                                                                                                                  Sometimes I would leave out the apple, it was almost too much for me to consume in one meal. I did this three times a day with lots of hot herbal tea and water between. I splurged and put some pure honey in my tea one day, and another I ate the heart of celery I was cutting up. Delish.

This week I started a new book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver and I have something new to be fanatic about. It has opened my eyes to the devastating truth about America’s food industry, governmental manipulation (much like the corn and soy crop fiasco that has caused high fructose corn syrup to be one of the most used materials in food to date , read Toxic Fat for an interesting take), and the overall irredeemable quality of society to center around money. For instance, did you know that America ships out 1.4 million dollars’ worth of potatoes, and we ship in 1.1 million dollars from out of country farms; which might seem great until you realize the undernourished, poverty stricken farms aren’t the ones reaping the profits, just the soil. When I read that it was normal a few years ago for 300 farms, large or small, to shut its doors for good every week, sold out to its multibillion dollar chain facility with corn fed cows, hormonal chickens and overseas fruits I shuddered to think where we’re headed. The economy is in a large slump that coincides with our oversized backsides.

 I now long for a small farm, somewhere I can plant a huge garden, swap ridiculously large cucumbers with my neighbors, and scoot chickens out of the walk way to my fragrant flower field. A home with a covered front porch, where I can read my weird books that my cousin seems to be the only other human having heard of it, drinking coffee with soy creamer (I gave up dairy about two months ago) and sweetened with local honey (which actually helps alleviate allergies if it’s derived from nearby your home). Don’t worry, I still plan to shave my legs, dawn Audrey Hepburn style sunglasses and giggle like a school girl at insanely attractive pro athletes and episodes of Happy Endings. This is just a new letter F that I can’t wait to try out, farming.

And all this discovered on my quest for fitness.

P.S. I have continued juicing, just not strictly juicing. I am in the works of planting some flowers and if some vegetables end up in there....well, that'd just be such a coincidence. 

And I really do love football. I grew up watching my brother play, which having no brothers he passed on his football wisdom and throwing technique to me (I could out throw the majority of the middle school boys I knew and definitely with a more precise spiral and end location). I love watching, I love playing, and yeah, I wouldn't mind being on the arm of a player.

I do love food. Someday ask to check out my hand written recipe notebook, which I tend to tweak until it's what I want, although I don't claim to be a great chef because that would be blasphemous to real cooks. I adore my family, as proved by this Easter photo of us, and the close up of the most wonderful squealing nephew a girl could ask for. 

Top: Dana, Kate, Nicholas, Colt, Me, Mom, Dad   Below: Colt, flying high.

For those brave enough to try an all juice diet (largely consistenting of veggies), here is a great site for some unique recipes to buffer the day in day out go to mixes- http://www.jointhereboot.com/index.php?option=com_zoo&task=category&category_id=8&Itemid=695&lang=en

For those going dairy free- So Delicious http://www.turtlemountain.com/ and Silk http://silkpurecoconut.com/ offer some amazing and tasty treats to satisfy the finicky eater.

Chocolate Covered Katie is also an excellent site, which I frequent almost daily- http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/ . Vegan. Gluten free. Dairy free. Sugar free. She’s got it all.

And it’s that time of the year- http://www.salemsaturdaymarket.com/ . See you Saturday!

2.22

I’ve never really told anyone this before, mostly because it’s weird. Although, I bet I could say that about a few things in my life, it’s not limited to this one fact I’m about to divulge. I see the number 222 everywhere. I’m not a superstitious person, but a long long time ago Kendra’s dad saw the number 222 and told her about it, then she started seeing 222….then she told me about it and what do you know, now that number perpetually follows me around. I wake up at 2:22, often, not just a couple of times. My office is next to 222. My dorm room was next to 222, I’ve flown on flight 222, ridden in a taxi that was 222. These are minor occasions, but I promise, it never ceases to appear in the oddest places. You know what made me think of this random fact- The Hunger games movie, which is 2 hours and 22 minutes long.

222.

You’ll have to tell me if you now start seeing it everywhere you go. You’ll also have to tell me if you’re as excited about The Hunger Games movie as I am!

To go with the number theme did you know that:

1.       It is 8 days until the four year anniversary of Kendra’s death. I love that I’m starting to see tulips everywhere. New growth is finally starting to appear.

2.       It is 30 days until Easter, the resurrection of our great and holy Lord.

3.       It is 69 days until my 26^th birthday. Yikes! I feel old.

4.       It is 118 days until July 4^th. God bless America. Rodeos. Tim McGraw. Ribs. What a great day.

5.       It is 177 days until I’ve been at my “new” job for a full year.

6.       It is 180 days until my little baby sister is a high school student. Talk about ninja growing, she snuck up on us as a teenager. She Chuck Norris’d the H out of us. Bam.

7.       It is 221 days until my adorable nephew turns one and my beautiful sister in law turns 31.

8.       And it is 351 days until February 22^nd, also known as 2-22.

9.       Oh, and it’s….well, I was going to make a joke about being so many days until my wedding day but I creeped myself out too bad to actually post it.

We have so much to look forward to in life. Every day might not be filled with an abundance of joy and comfort, but how lucky are we that we get to live it. We get to have hope. We get to love. It might hurt, it might test our patience, but we are privileged to try. Privileged to fail and privileged to succeed. A lot of people might accuse me of being optimistically happy, or of having an easy life and that is why I see joy in the days that are dark and the days of light. That because I know where my next meal is coming from (and probably the exact calorie count and nutritional value of it) or that I always have arms to run into when I’m scared or hurt, or that I have people in my life reminding me that I’m wanted, I’m beautiful the way I am and that I can do whatever I want with my future- that these things have skewed my reality to the nature of the real world. And maybe it has. Or maybe I choose to see the good, in my life and in the people around me. Maybe my hope doesn’t fall on any earthly shoulders, so I am utterly never abandoned, even when I’m alone. I have 69 days left to breathe in life and enjoy it before I turn 26, and you better believe I don’t want to sit out a day just because of a little rain. 

  

PS- Can’t wait until the clock starts over and I can count down to my 27^th!

And because it's not a real post unless there is a little food involved, here is a great recipe I tried out this week. Except I used cauliflower, egg white substitute, and soy shredded cheese. I didn't take this picture either, its from the link posted next to it.

Cauliflower Crust Pizza- 

http://www.eat-drink-smile.com/2011/04/cauliflower-crust-pizza.html 

And because it is hilarious-

Enjoy your week, full of food, exercise and love!

Learned a Little Something

       There have been a few things I've realized this week. The first is my new mantra for life right now- Love Widely. You can thank my parents for that one, although if I had to guess I'd say my mom had a bit more to do with this purchase. For Valentine's Day, not only did my lovely parents get me a sweet card, an even sweeter Starbucks gift card but also attached to it was a little butterfly that said Love Widely on it. The phrase was what caught my mom's eye, my new life goal that I'm continually working at- loving others. Loving widely. I love that terminology, the imagery of what  "widely" paints in my mind. It's so vast and endless.

       The other thing I thought of was while sitting in church, slightly distracted with my own thoughts and my low intake of coffee that morning was this- do most of us go to church because we feel that's what a "good Christian" does or do we go with open hearts and minds ready to learn and question, to digest and process. That morning I don't think I could have even answered which girl I was, the one doing what is right because it is just what I do or the one trying to be a better person by doing the things that I know will tone my Spiritual life, my soul and my mind. I go to a big church, with five services and how easy it would be for me to just show up, listen to the sermon and leave. What a huge waste of time that would be, I'd probably do myself better to just sleep in, unless I take the time to truly take the wise words in of Christians who are smarter, wiser, braver and far far superior to me in probably every way. I want to be the latter, the one with an open mind and heart. Cutting with dull blades is tiring, so let's let iron sharpen iron.

Dull blades, that brings me to my last realization from this week. This weekend my family and I finally did something I've been wanting to do for quite sometime! It is something I can cross off my life goals list, although I hope it is a goal that is repeated throughout my life. We served at the Union Gospel Mission! Now I tell you this not to sound like some super amazing person but to preface the last realization. While serving I ended up walking around to tables a couple of times to give out cupcakes, which brought up my years of waitressing and catering at the Wild Pear. You know what I'm talking about, it's like riding a bike, except not. While I had noticed Waitress Casey do this before, I heard it once again coming out of my mouth before I could stop it. Realization #3: while serving food I become a less graceful southern belle who refers to tables of people as ya'll. It so naturally falls off my lips that I have to wonder if my mother only ate fried chicken, grits and...potato salad? Is that Southern? While she was pregnant with me. I honestly don't know where it comes from, but I'm not going to lie, sometimes I like it.

Oh, and the dull blades was because I was cutting I think like 1500 cabbages and it was all done with a very dull blade.

Fitness Update: Been doing okay with the food. I've been doing a lot of researching into different diets, as in lifestyles of eating and not even so much a caloric cut diet, although that has occurred too. I have settled on a diet consisting of the top ten of foods that are highest in natural anti inflammatory- thinks like kelp, smoked salmon, blueberries, etc. And to really take it the next step I've taken out the top ten things that create inflammation in the body, things like- dairy, white flour, high sugar, Splenda (my weakness), etc. I feel great! My back hasn't been having any more pain, my energy level is increasing and I just feel really good. Of course, I slip in some dark chocolate...shh.....I know it breaks the no dairy rule, don't tell anyone.
I also found this terrific at home work out routine for every day of the week.
If you want more information on the types of food that increase and decrease inflammation in the body, check out this site-
http://theconsciouslife.com/top-10-inflammatory-foods-to-avoid.htm - don't eat
http://theconsciouslife.com/top-10-anti-inflammatory-foods.htm - EAT!
http://allyfit.tumblr.com/post/15968075542/photoset_iframe/allyfit/tumblr_lxwus9c3lF1ql2uvy/500 - Awesome at home work out schedule

And of course, we all need a little something sweet, it makes life more enjoyable, and it makes people much easier to love-

 Nonstick vegetable oil spray

1 1/2 cups bittersweet chocolate chips (about 9 ounces), divided 
3 large egg whites, room temperature 
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar, divided (I used 2 cups)
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 
1 tablespoon cornstarch 
1/4 teaspoon salt

Life Goals and Bachelor Woes

*Resolutions Update*: they have taken a rocky path, but I’m still moving forward, just at a slower rate than anticipated. I hurt my sciatic nerve, not sure how, but it’s been causing a lot of pain (although my mild scoliosis probably didn’t help they think). One fix to the pain via doctor’s orders was to stop any impact work outs and to take some time off all together. Devastating, but an opportunity to get creative with new ways to get into shape, water aerobics and yoga here I come!

What do you want to be when you grow up? What are you doing after you graduate college?

 

These questions are ones that I’ve avoided like the plague… and I’ve been graduated for three years now so it’s starting to get a bit difficult diverging conversations into a different arena. Honestly I haven’t had any idea of what I’d like to be as I continue growing up, but I do know I have with all my heart been trying to walk through the doors I feel the Lord leading me.  I was talking with a coworker last week and something occurred to me, mostly because I answered before I had the chance to think about my answer- isn’t this often when we either come to some great solution and/or say something we will completely regret, what a tricky sharp sword. I don’t remember the question but my answer was that I can see myself and would like to be a part of an international missions organizations; something that serves kids or poverty stricken individuals by doing. I want to serve Christ and spread His abounding love by doing something for others. By providing income, food, shelter, medical care, clothing- something tangible.  Maybe it’s in part to how I process love, you can spend lots of money on a gift and I will honestly be astonished and appreciative of such an exuberant gift (and probably a little uncomfortable and undeserving), but for me if you choose to spend time with me, bring me food when I’m sick, provide emotional support when I’m down; well that’s when I truly feel loved.

I think, for me at least, to truly be a servant of Christ means I spread his love by meeting the needs of people, by first being there and doing, and through this opening up the world of the Gospel to those who are lost or hungry in more ways than one.

So with that all said, I’m glad I didn’t take the path of the reality tv star, because those ample offers poured in, much like the rain in my beloved Oregon. Just kidding. But really, my love hate obsession with the Bachelor, where in I love watching it and hate myself for enjoying it, continues. Here are all the reasons I would make a horrible Bachelor contestant (sorry to break it to you Nana, I do know how much you’d love for me to go on there).

                           1.  I close my eyes in pictures. Not on purpose. Not in a cute playful way. Basically, the flash scares my poor lids into closing so fast I look perpetually high throughout my lifetime of photos. So bad that 7 years after taking my senior photos, my photographer still remembered me.

                         2.  I don’t nearly have enough glitz and sparkles. I own no sparkly dresses, although confess I’d like one. I prefer less make up than more. I will wear heels but have to agree with Amanda Bynes in She’s The Man when she says (summing up here) that heels were designed to let men chase down women easier, so they are worn quite irregularly and with hesitance by me.

                              3.   My meanest version of a put down I could muster in a woman’s Bible study was “oh you silly B.” Let me clarify it wasn’t directed at anyone though. I’d get eaten alive by the catty girls, and the others I would like so much as people I’d never want to beat them and see them crying. I will say my quick wittedness would give them a run for their money though.

                          4.   I would never ever, ever…ever accept a key to a man’s bedroom. Really? One, I’m not a concubine in the kings harem. Two, I can proudly say I’m waiting until there is a ring on this finger and a wedding certificate signed. And three, they make the women do all the work and I just plain put my foot down to that. How about a little chivalry men.

                     5.   I like bugs, dirt, science, odd medical marvels and watching fascinating documentaries; which some may say I throw the word fascinating around a little too loosely.

                         6. I prefer quality over quantity. Which almost sounds mean. I’m sorry, I’m just a silly B sometimes.

So there you have it, reasons why it’s a good thing I’ve been led in a different direction as far as my occupation. Do I dream of walking the red carpet in a glamorous yet classy gown- of course I do. But do I dream more of humbly serving others in need- yes, I think I realized I do.

New Year, New Look

Any of you who might take a gander at this now and again will notice it's had an extreme make over, including the name. Chasing Love. You might be wondering why that name, asking yourself if I've decided to take the approach of actually chasing men who I deem eligible...but that answer is a solid no, I have not yet succumbed to that means so you can continue to tell me all about "this great guy you know" or how "your son is still single". I changed it to Chasing Love because, as I've said in the past, I want to personify a life of love, I want to love everyone I meet no matter how difficult that might be (and sometimes it really is). I want to be the best example of God's love that I possibly can be, I want to seek it in all that I do, and in all who I come into contact. I want to chase it. And I want it to chase me.

I decided this year to take some time to come up with my new years resolution. More often than not I never follow through with NYE resolutions, and I mean really, how many people actually do. Not this year. I AM DOING IT. Not that I've ever been in the best shape of my life, but I'd like to start working towards that goal. I've made an excel spreadsheet so we know its the real deal, and I've been going to the gym with the mindset of a 3 mile minimum. A trick I've learned is turn on a great football game and inner mix that viewing with Keeping Up With the Kardashians and I've got a perfect mix of intensity and hilarious fluff to so immerse me into my workout that I don't even realize how far I've gone. So there is my accountability, I'm making it public knowledge and give full permission to literally slap processed and sugar loaded food out of my hands (unless it's frozen yogurt, then I might be tempted to use the moves I've learned in kickboxing on you).

This new year has also brought on new website addictions, facebook is so yesterday. Try Pinterest (you can follow my link on the right), which has so many amazing ideas and creative outlets that your face might explode. Explode with delight. Caloriecount.com, I find it incredibly satisfying and entertaining to track my calories and exercise. You might think I've lost it but give it a whirl, it is so fun! Oh, and one other addiction, albeit not technological, is the Coffee Toddy. Want the smoothest, tastiest iced coffee in the world, try the coffee toddy. O...Mmmmm....G.... Delicious.

Back to my name change. I've really been praying a lot recently, and I think there is something big coming, or something I'm meant to do or be. I'm not sure what it is, but I know I want to be the best prepared I can be for it. That means changing my heart, my mind and I think my fitness level. God has done some pretty incredible things in my life, and I hope through my life. He's done these things with such a meager amount of who I could be, so what could He do with me at my possible best? Or at your possible best? The thought of finding out about this excites me to my tip toes. Driving home from work today I was so enamored with the vibrant sunset I'm surprised I didn't rear-end the car in front of me. If God takes the time to display this extent of creativity with the sky, what more will He do with His children!

So I look forward to this new year, with unknown futures, the best coffee I've ever had, creative experiments via pinterest, complete caloric and nutritional awareness, a better self and for what I can only hope will happen tomorrow- the Bronco's beating New England.
PS- I promise future posts will actually have a point. Scratch that- I promise that they will attempt to have a point.

A peek Into My Journal.

Recently I was sorting through some books on my nightstand and there tucked under a copy of Jane Eyre, a Bible, a daily devo and a thoroughly read Don Miller book (I sound so spiritual don’t I?) I found my brown weathered journal. When I say weathered, I actually mean that pieces of the leather are missing, showcasing a soft material peeping through, accidently created from placing the journal on a somewhat tacky service and applying pressure for an extended amount of time. Now this wasn’t done on purpose, but it does make it look well-loved and vintage. Kind of how I hope to look when I’m a crazy old lady who wears velour jumpsuits willingly and mall walks with cans of soup, which will later be served up for dinner.

I haven’t written in the journal for quite a while. I wrote a lot after Kendra passed away and throughout her sickness. In fact, I think it was my only outlet during her sickness, and you can tell. I’m pretty sure the ink used to script every word was first mixed with tears because every page read anguish and pain and heartbreak. It’s numbing to look back and see how much you were hurting and didn’t even realize it. Makes you wonder what you’ll find out about yourself in the future about the present, what life are we living that we don’t even realize. Here is one thing I wrote that stands out, it was the last entry I wrote:

“It has been said that love is a battlefield, love is a gift, love is giving without expectation.

Love is an emotion, love is a verb.

Love is life.

Love is living, breathing, yearning, shelter, comfort, pain.

Love, is life.

Love is losing and gaining, setting free and holding tight. What isn’t love?

Because love is life.

Created in the image of pure love; to be loved and to love. If I know not any other words to personify in life, I will be completely satisfied with pure love as my only goal.

To live is not to love, but to love is to finally live.”

There was one emotion I didn’t disclose earlier that was threaded and woven throughout my words, tightly clinging to every thought like a brand new pair of spanx. It was hope. It was unadulterated hope that our Christ and King would not falter, would not turn His back on his people, hope in the future and hope in the healing and redeeming power of Christ. A hope that is daily healing the open wounds of living in a broken world.

Reading my words written just a few years ago has brought up the question of “Am I embodying love?” I now wonder if I were gone would people remember me as the girl who loved and cared for others or the girl who had a quick witted tongue and was a little obsessed with mustard yellow? I suppose I can only hope for both. But in all reality, I want to daily find a new way to express my love for others and my engulfing love for my Lord and Savior. What holds us back from that vulnerability? Why is taking that extra moment to genuinely express love to someone much like moving the Eiffel Tower with well-manicured, bare hands?

I could delve into the egocentric persona that encases society. The selfish overpowering the selfless. But why? Why, when I can just love. Why complain about the problem, we already know it, so now let’s make love a verb. An action.

  So hear me loud and clear. I love you. I will always love you. And I don’t mean the kind of love with floating pink hearts or i’s dotted with itty bitty spectacles of an embarrassing abundance of emotion. I want the life that is love, raw, empowered, and real.

Get Me to Japan & Read my Thoughts While You're At It.

There have been many things on my mind lately. Every time I pick up a new book I am ambushed with new thoughts, feelings and motivations. I suppose that backs up the mantra “what goes in is what comes out.”

I’ll start with this, a little news update for those of you who don’t own a tv or believe in the powers of Google. Japan is giving away 10,000 free tickets a few months from now. They want individuals to travel their beautiful and recently devastated country, and then write travel reviews and blogs about it to spread the word that Japan is in fact a great place to go. I want to be one of these people. Help me be one of these people. Thus, my sporadic blogging may begin to pick up its own tempo.  This once work travel blog is beginning to take on a whole new life.

I recently went to Seattle for my mom’s 50^th Birthday. A girl’s weekend to the max.  We’re talking delicately made truffles, champagne, Bridesmaids (the movie), shopping, extravagant and delicious meals, and flowers. Lots and lots of flowers, thank you Pike Place Market. Within this weekend, one of my mom’s closest friends asked her to list the top events that have taken place in the last 50 years. A pretty simple question in the storefront, but it’s like asking a blind person to find the marble in the top to bottom packed vintage shop.  My mom’s answer- that it hasn’t been the big things that have impacted her life but the day to day happenings that have made her happy. How true it is, if we can’t appreciate the beauty of each day before us, how will we ever appreciate the “big” things in life.  The marriages. The births. The deaths. The graduations. The BIG things. These big events in life symbolize change, but life is in the day and night of an individual, not the direction in which they start traveling, because we know another big thing will change that direction again but it will never change living in the day.

This answer didn’t seem to appease the group much, although I liked it. Factual dates, with details, that is what people are thirsty for. The obligatory births of her children, her marriage, some childhood memories with her siblings and best friend-cousin made the list.  But my favorite, my absolutely favorite one, and perhaps because I think it is on my list of favorites was the last fragment of a memory she mentioned. And yes, I’m going to tell you what it was.

This past summer my parents, sister and I went to California to see our family. My Grandpa has been sick with cancer for a few years now and it has been rapidly taking its toll on his health. After spending 8 long days in Ventura, California catching up with cousins, grandparents, fathers, uncles and brothers we jumped in the car and headed home. The week ahead was busy and I think weighed on our minds, but not as heavily as the trip we just completed. I believe I said something to the effect of “back on the road,” to which my dad replied “it’s time.” He proceeded to turn on the CD player, and out comes the brand new The Band Perry CD. The following weekend we were all going to their concert and on the drive down had been talking about how we wanted the CD so we could learn the songs prior to it. Such a small gesture but it was so powerful and moving. The first song out was If I Die Young, a fan favorite, but an emotional and heart wrenching song when you’ve just finished visiting a loved one plagued with cancer. When in the last few years you’ve watched your best friend die and the future you had built together sipping ice tea and conspiring to arrange your children’s marriages to officially become related. Or when you’re just plain tired, living on faith, hope, and probably caffeine.

That is one of my favorite memories.

I pray to God a man finds me that takes care of his women as well as my dad does.

Why Singleness is Like Sports Try-Outs

The realization that being single in your 20's and beyond is much like continually trying out for a sport, or a team, occurred to me today while curling my eye lashes and faithfully bronzing my cheekbones to highlight my better features. This thought has no spiritual significance, it's just a thought.

There are the try-out goers and the wanna-be players, the game wear, the fans, the team, and the coveted position as the starters on the team. Yes, all of this relates to being single.

 As a single we wake up, go about our daily business, we put on our best try out clothing, smile at frustrations and failures because we want to be gracious and show the world how much we want to be on the team, we put our best foot forward in every aspect in attempts to move forward. And by moving forward I do mean making the team, hopefully a starting position someday, but also that we attempt success to make up for other lacking relationships in our life, to fill the longing for the team. The wanna-be players, those trying desperatingly to be seen and heard, who walk home with cracks in their thick make up and gel droppings on the muscled shoulders of their ed hardy t-shirts, are those you see and think "did I see them on Jersey Shore last week?" Where the try-out goers are those trucking along, every day joes and janes, in a holistic sense some are beautiful and some average, but all working towards the same goal- making the team.

Try-out clothing are those go to outfits meant to highlight our best assests, or skills. They are often over priced, but it's worth it right? It's all for the sacrifice of making the team. We dawn these articles of clothing like a basketball player putting on his lucky air jordan's, they don't actually change our skill level but sure make us feel like we could be the number one draft this year. We want to present our best and hide our worst. Those that have made the team, well they get to put on their comfortable, slightly looser fitted game wear. Game wear needs to be durable, washable, stain resistent, and able to get the job done effectively. Aesthetics don't mean quite as much, although still have their role, but it's more about quality, because they've already proven their skill to make the team, now it's about keeping that position.

This brings us to the never ending fans. Everyone has them, from the wanna-be players to the starters on the team, we all bring a fan or two or five thousand. For those who are trying out for the team, whatever their skill level is, usually bring along the doting parent fan, perhaps the protective sibling fan who just wants to see them succeed. Quite often there are also the close friends who are loyal fans, encouraging the try-out goer, giving them pointers on improving their success level, and sometimes for those who are lucky, there is the extended network fan base. The church members, the friends parents, the aunts, grandma's, co-workers, friends of friends and friends of the doting parents; now these fans create that strong support system meant to elevate a try-out goer to the ability and skill level of the existing team. They talk up the player so much that often times their words alone are so persuasive that try-outs are almost pointless as they have their spot on the team in the bag. However, the latter can have a catch, and that's when a taste of success meets a rained out game. The times when extended fan bases do their job perfectly, with initial success but the hopes are dashed, the player is side lined and the rain pours. It's the putting on of the jersey, the proud sporting of the lucky number, but one never actually gets to play in the game.

There are cheap tricks to making the team too. Steroids. Those that go to extremes to make the cut, changing themselves and the perfect way God made them in order to meet a preconceived notion of what they believe the team is looking for. Flashy shows. This would be the the try-out goers that have the ability to dominate a room, conversation, attention seekers. Not always a bad thing, in fact I know many great people with this trait, but it also runs the risk of a voice proceeding actual depth, a showy display of personality without sustenance.

Making the team. After all the hard work of prepping and training, making the team is like instant gratification. A moment of bliss, unadulturated by the knowledge of what the future holds- more hard work and training. It isn't easy making the team and it's certainly not easy keeping your spot on it once you do. It's like varsity golf, you must stay within the top five lowest scores to get to play in the tournament, meaning, the work isn't over, your spot isn't safe. While you've moved over to the ability to go between try-out clothes and official team wear you're still not a starter on the team but you do belong to a team now.

If you're asking yourself, does she mean marriage is like starting on the team, then you are quite correct in your assumption. The starters get out there, they get dirty and injured, their jersey's are earning the number they are proudly stamped with. They have trained to make the team. They have trained to become a starter. And now their training is paying off in the play offs. These people, they are part of a team, and they play for the team and with the team. They may go home from a win or loss and throw on sweats and an oversized t-shirt but they secured that right when they battled together, when they started and ended the game for their team, with their team, because of their team.

I'm an 8

"How'd it turn out?"
"I'm an 8."

Name that show. Perhaps one of the best episodes of Friends, when Ross goes in for a spray tan and accidently tans his front 4 times in a row, rather than his front and back. Yeah, similar experience to me yesterday.

In truth though, the machine malfunctioned AND I messed up. Thank goodness for the machine also not working properly or I might have walked into my family reunion looking like Ebony and Ivory, just depends on if you saw me from the front or the back. Anyway, having a free spray tan left from awhile ago I decided to even out some tan lines for the big family photo this weekend. Not only did I accidently get stuck in the same pose twice, spraying my front half twice, the machine stopped at that point and proceeded to dry me. With tanner dripping down my legs, I threw on some clothes (which are definitely tan on the inside now as well) and had to walk to the front desk to see what was up. Since they made a mistake, they gave me a free future spray tan and I went home and showered off the radioactive hue my front side was turning, although not much better than the brilliant white of my backside.

In other accomplishments of the week, I finally found the hidden tree fort on campus tucked away in the miles of nature trails. If you've never walked the nature trails, I highly recommend it, you'd forget you're even in Salem. They are beautiful, lush and green, with cascading branches creating canopies above the walk ways. I've been listening to my Bible on my iPod, which I'm now in Leviticus, and walking these trails, and literally standing in awe at the work of my Creator, that and the trails are steep so I get out of breath after awhile. Anyway, upon discovering said tree fort with past coworker Courtney, I attempted to climb the ladder. The first step is about the reach of arms above my head, not really an easy task for a girl with no upper body strength. With some struggle I was able to get myself to the second step, my  feet still braced against the trunk of the trees. I got scared to go for the third step, but really had no where to go, just a hill and a large rock below me, so while attempting to get down I fell. I have a really nice bruise on my knee, but hey, it matches the large bruises on my arms from this crazy hard server at volleyball on Thursday. I am a very bruised, but very tan, woman. But I will make it to the top of that tree.

What is the significance of 8 in the Bible? It first appeared for young Hebrews needing to be circumsized at day 8 of their lives, and then again in Exodus 23 with sacrifices. I brought this question up last night at a fire pit, which put out some interesting concepts on the significance. I feel like I once learned this and just can't quite grasp that knowledge out from my brain, so I'm hoping either someone can help me out or continuing to dig deeper into the Word the answer will reveal itself to me. I understand 3. I understand 7. I don't understand 8. I'm also curious why with Noah it was 40 days and 40 night, and again on Mt.Sinai with Moses it was 40 days and 40 nights- twice. Why 40/40? So there you have it, some numerical ponderings for the week. In college, I had to read the whole Bible for a class, Biblical Literature of the OT and NT. I remember reading it, and learning it and then forgetting it. Looking back, I was passing a test and not so much tucking it into my heart and really delving into the questions it brings up. I'm changing that now.

The Unemployed Life

Not to be confused with the "glamorous life," as many might believe. In less than a week I will have fulfilled a month in the life of the unemployed, unsettling. Rejuvenating. Relaxing. Restless. So many polar opposite responses to this new life I find myself in.

I've been reading a book about two homeless guys, written by them about their experiences on the streets and the treatment they received from society, specifically examining the treatment from Christians across the country. Perhaps this is foreshadowing of my future? Either way, this new found time on my hands has been a great opportunity to pick up the paperbacks, challenge my way of thinking and living, and then learn how to go about incorporating change into my everyday life.

Reading these books ranging in genre has also helped me realize the importance of reading the Bible, which I would say is it's own genre as it needs no other written work to complete or portray its message. I would like to get through the entire Bible this summer, whether a job comes into play or not. Taking a step back  this summer I examined the things I waste my time with- watching tv, the internet, singing loudly and giving one person concerts in my house, taking photos, staying active outside...not to say this is what I use all my time up with but I would say its the majority of my time spent that falls into the unproductive category. I've realized that I could engage one form of learning, by reading the Bible, or I could engage multiple ways to incorporate this large goal into my life- by reading, listening and using my love of nature and the arts to better appreciate and understand the words that I'm slowly tucking into my heart. So...with that said, I bought the entire audio Bible in a dramatic reading (background music and noises included) and have been listening to that every day. Since it's MP3 CD's, perfect for the car and the iPod. I am loving it! I've also realized that I have been incorporating Old Testament trivia into my daily witty banter. Getting down OT style.

I am so ecstatic to spend time in the Word this summer, learn more about my Creator and better understand what life I am called to live! Gosh, if you feel like discussing the OT I would love to do so, as I truly want to understand, because I truly want to love.

Let's see here. I also joined a volleyball league at the Courthouse. Selected and bought paint for my rocking chair which I have been faithfully sanding in the mornings before the sun creates too bad of a tank line. Caught tadpoles and nurtured them into frogs. Sometimes I fear I shouldn't document my pass times as it tends to create an image of me as an 80 year old woman conducting science experiments and whittling wood cats while I watch my basil grow. Which is mostly not true.

Examining my past I have loved with my mind, but I want to learn how to love with my heart. I want action and movement. I want change in my heart and the world around me. I feel blessed to have been given this opportunity to dive in head first this summer. I pray daily for the job I already know God has provided, but I also pray that I use this time given to me and treat it as a gift and not a stumbling block in this currently unemployed life of mine.

Waiting for this day to arrive

Is this my first post unrelated to work? I think it just may be. So this is what growing up feels like...

The seasons change and so do we. I've come to this realization recently, I've changed and will change, and I pray to God I'll change some more after that, again and again. I've come to another realization known as- things I want out of life. And lastly, I've realized rubber boots may be the most comfortable shoe choice available. That truly was a life altering concept.

If you asked me when I was 16 what I had hoped for in life by the time I was 25 I think I would've answered something along the lines of, "well, I hope I'll be married after I graduate college or sometime during, I hope I'll be mid med school for pathology so I can help people by better understanding disease and death, I hope I'm involved in a church and have gotten to travel some." If you would've asked me when I was 21 (which is how old I was when I graduated college) I think it would've gone something like this, "I hope that I will have met the person I'm going to marry and am dating them with marriage in the near future, I hope I'm working for an organization I believe in and enjoy showing up to day after day, I hope that my trust in the Lord has been fulfilled because right now I can't understand why I can go on to live another day and others don't, and I hope that at 25 I have maintained all the important relationships in my life that are with me right now."

I turn 25 in less than a month.
 If you were to ask me right now, here is what I'd have to say. I hope that I daily continue to rely on the Lord for strength and wisdom, I hope that I meet a person I want to marry that opens up the doorway of better understanding God's love for me, and I hope that in the future I can have kids so that I can truly understand the sacrifice of the cross, the pain and anguish a parent must've felt allowing His own son to die. I hope that I understand what my strengths are enough to help people, and that I am humble enough to allow my weakness' to also help others. I hope that I continue to have a curious mind that reads and learns and shares. I hope I can eat healthy, to stay healthy. And I hope I never get blinded by material or monetary things, because I'll be honest, sometimes I like shiny things. And most of all, I am thankful. I have learned to not only pray, keep faith and grow but to be thankful, and my hope is that I grow more thankful for the good and for the bad.

It's refreshing to know I've changed. It's also refreshing to know the amount of things I want in this life have shrunk as every year passes. The world has told me that as I get older my aspirations should get more specific and defined, much like my 16 year old dreams of marrying Superman and being a kick-A scientist. Wow, writing that out has also helped me realize the truth in how nerdy I truly was and am. However, my current goals have taken a turn in the opposite direction and decided to broaden up their horizens and have no specific boundaries. There is one focal point from which everything stems, so I guess you could say I only have one aspiration in life now- to glorify God in all that I do, to show my thankfulness for the grace so willingly bestowed upon me and the great part is- there's no one specific direction with navigation signals that I have to take. I don't have to be my 16 year old self, my 21 year old self (which, lets me honest, was a teardrop away from an emotional breakdown) or even my current 24 year self. I just have to be the best me today.

Things I've recently bought and/or done which in turn solidify my nerdness-

• Bought Window Markers
• Bought a book about toxic fat
• Bought a book about a guy who decided to become homeless
• Acoustic CD's...yeah, a bought physical CD's
• Wore green rubber boots for a large portion of Easter, willfully.
• Asked for Scattegories and Scrabble
• Watched Kyle XY, a very badly made show.
• Wished that Jake from 16 Candles was real and would awkwardly come knock on my front door.
• Wished there was a 25 Candles, so that there could be a more realistic my aged Jake that could then come awkwardly knock on my front door with a birthday hun cal fro yo. So hey, if you own a letterman jacket, have enough money for a frozen yogurt from love love teriyaki and know where I live, my Birthday is May 16th, I like the nonfat plain yogurt with fresh fruit and bad 80's movies.

Up Keep Is Not My Thing.

I can officially announce that no more travel stories, and lonesome filled blogs will be gracing this site anymore. My last travel season is now behind me, which I say with much relief and a little bit of sadness. At minimum two months out of every year, three months for one or more of those years, were spent traveling around Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, South Carolina and Idaho....averaging 7 months of travel. That is almost a year of my life, spent on the road. Crazy.
As a recap I thought it might be fun to share a few of the stories that I don't think I've shared on here before.  So here I present, CASEY'S TOP THREE TRAVEL STORIES...or at least some I can remember right now:

1. The Drug Cartel: I was staying in Bellingham, WA (covering a fair for another co worker) and had driven to this city I'd never laid eyes on before, getting in around 11pm. I had been at a fair near Seattle and drove on up after, night blindness and all. Night blindess is a frequent friend of mine, especially on the road with the unfamiliar areas. Anyway, I grabbed a bite to eat to bring back to my hotel for dinner, and went into my hotel routine. Lay outfit out so as not to wrinkle. Set up toiletries in order of use. Shampoo and Conditioner in shower. Sweatpants on immediately. Etc.
Other than the room being intensely creepy, with short 3 ft hallways jutting out and little dwarf doors near the floor, obviously with elf like people waiting to kill me in my sleep, things went well. I should also explain that the hotel was broken into 4 separate buildings, the entrances into each hall of the 4 story building consisted of walking up stairs on either side, outside, and using a key card to get into the hall where the rooms were.
I'm fast asleep. 2 am rolls around. I hear shouting and banging and decide to see what is going on. Looking through my peep hole in the door I see half a dozen uniformed men with very large guns pounding on the door next to mine. I look out my window and see more police cars and men with more large guns encircling my building. I'm on the 4th floor mind you, the only other room occupied is the one next door. Turns out there was a drug sting, in the hotel room next to mine, until around 4am. I got up at 6am for the fair the next day. Brilliant.

2. The Two Insanely Long Days of Travel: the first was when I had WA, so my first year working here. I finished a fair somewhere in the Olympic Peninsula at 8:30pm and then drove to Portland immediately following and stayed with the Dennis'. I remember getting in sometime around midnight or a bit past. A slept for a couple of hours and then got up around 4am to catch a very early flight to Idaho. Once in Idaho, I drove to an applebee's and changed clothing, ate, freshened up and then went to a college fair where I gave three back to back 45 minute speeches to full classrooms. I then completed another fair that night and left first thing in the morning. I was in ID for 26 hrs total. Second travel insanity- I got dropped off at the San Jose Airport, where I waited for my flight for 8 hrs because it was a car driving home and that's when they passed through town. After waiting my 8 hours, I boarded and then flew to Arizona. From Arizona I landed in Newark, NJ around midnight and waited there until 2am my time. Which included jumping on a bus to get to another terminal, by myself, in the dark and with slightly questionable people around. And from NJ I flew to South Carolina, where I was picked up by my aunt for another week long road trip. That day consisted of traveling for close to 27 hours straight. I was a hot mess.

3. The Drunk. The Biker. And Me. : This night consisted of me staying in Burns, OR (I think). I got in late at night once again, and showed up to this small town that apparently doesn't believe in street lights. There was a Subway open for 10 more minutes, which I promptly took advantage of for dinner, mind you it was the only thing open for dinner. And then went to find my hotel. There were two hotels in the city, as far as I could tell. Mine, with an outdoor access, I was able to find pretty quickly. I checked in and then went outside and up the stairs to my room. The parking lot consisted of all bikers, my Corban car and a couple beat up trucks. And there were two men stumbling around outside, drunk out of their mind. I went into my room, locked the door, pushed the table against the door and prayed I got the channel for America's Next Top Model- which I didn't. The two drunk men sat outside of my door and front window until early in the  morning swapping drunk stories, literally in front of my door. And I had no phone service. All in all, I was happy the bikers were there. After getting caught up in the middle of Sturgis the summer before, I felt a kinship towards the leather clad people but no kindship towards the drunk men. The hotel cost $35 for the night. There was my warning.

Oh, can I add in another bad hotel! There was another night that I accidently ended up staying in Stockton, California. When I checked into my hotel, it was another outdoor access, I asked the lady at the front desk if it was a fairly safe area. She looked at me with big eyes and was like "sure......you won't be going outside right?" What! I had a fair that night and didn't get back in until late, I ran to my room.

I've definitely felt God's provisions while I've been on the road. From terrible hotels, to "maintence" men trying to get in my room at 6am, to storms that haulted my travel and stuck me in random towns, so many wrong turns I lost count, and lots of bad food I am still alive, and have learned a lot. I've been told I should make a book of my travels and use this blog as a resource, so perhaps I'll do that and you should keep your eyes and ears out for my travel book, name still unknown. :o)

I Am Home

So I've been home for a couple of weeks now, and as usual, don't maintain this blog once I get comfortable in my wonderful cozy home. Plus, I don't have internet or tv at my house, so really my already minuscule technology skills go down the tube.

This is a note to self- when air outside is cold, it is rainy and you feel like warm delicious food will make you feel wonderful, this is actually a lie. Do not eat the dining hall enchiladas just because they look warm and yummy, they are not. Stick with the cucumbers and rice, as usual, when dining with visitors on campus. Your face doesn't hide your disdain, and your acting skills are sub par, remember this or face the consequences of yet again eating unsatisfying food.

Since being home it has been a whirlwind of chaos. So busy, every day, every hour. I feel like I've been running a marathon for the last three months and I'm ready to tag someone else in. Let's pass the baton off before I chuck it at someones head. I can't complain too much though, the hustle and bustle of home has been refreshing and are usually fun activities. I did get to dress up for Halloween, as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Even as a grown adult, I still enjoy dressing up in costumes. My goal for next year is to get a group of us to do a group themed costume. Like the cast of The Office, or Glee, or as Natalie suggested, Clue. How fun!
We have also decided to instill a new event into our monthly calendars. The Potluck Game Night. This night will be consisting of games and a potluck. Whoa. Novel. :o) So last game night, I hosted at my place and prepared the main course, which was soup. I made both from scratch, Coconut Curry Butternut Squash and African Spicy Peanut Soup, I was very please with the flavor of both and from the no left overs I assume everyone else also was pleased.
I've also had 75th Birthday parties, more school visits, football games, wedding receptions, dinner dates with friends, and to come in this next week are- salon anniversary parties, Girls night, our campus preview weekend and a trip to Idaho for three days, a Birthday party/Going away party in Sunriver and the following week is another Birthday outing and Thanksgiving. Love the Holidays!

I don't who reads this, which really sometimes I wish I could stalk and see, because I'm like that but if any of you are young women and want to join a Bible Study, some friends and I are starting a new Beth Moore series the first week of December. We've decided to actually keep one consistently going on once a week, just rotating through different books of interest. The first of which will be Loving Well by BM. Just let me know, we'd love to have you.

One of the weird thoughts that crossed my mind today, really randomly, was hell. I think it was because I saw something on facebook about someone who passed away who to my knowledge did not have a relationship with Christ and it just really registered what that meant for them. Now, I truly hope that I am wrong for this person because if not then they are in hell. It's like I know I believe there is a heaven and a hell, and I know I believe an individual goes to one or the other. I also know I believe there is only one way to Heaven, and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ. But then, I forget. I forget about hell. To be specific, I forget that people I know go to hell or will go hell. People I know. Now that hits home. The Great Commission takes on a whole new meaning when I think about the alternative as literally being hell. Now, I've never been there.... I've had some conversations that I thought came close, but I've got to assume its pretty wretched. An eternal hellish conversation in a pit of fire. Or eternally listening to aweful music, in a pit of fire. You can pretty much add anything as long as it ends with "in a pit of fire." Eating fried chicken and biscuits stuffed with honey butter forever, in a pit of fire. That last one may or may not be one of the worst days of my life, turns out I have a sensitive stomach that doesn't like bread, butter or anything fried....

Anyway, I was just thinking about that and wanted to write it down. Probably more as a reminder to myself then anything. Really we should all be walking around with this in the back of our minds. How we act and live our life should reflect Christ, how we treat and love others, ultimately should reflect Christ, and the words we choose to leave others, should be reflecting Christ. I don't think I'm called to be a missionary, but I do have a mission, just as we all do; and personally, I would like to know that the people I know are not in hell but rejoicing in Heaven. I have always said that my first day in Heaven, I don't want a tour and I don't want to be adorned with crowns, I want to sit down and have a coffee with Christ and those I love who got there before me. I'm hoping that when I look at that table filled with coffee cups and faces, I don't look around and wonder why someone isn't there.

Oct. 21st

Tomorrow, I come home.
This deserves a line of its own.

I have officially caught a cold. Started coming on Tuesday, hit harder last night, and today I woke up with a full fledged cold, the kind that even hurts your teeth because its messed with the sinus'. Hopefully I can get rid of this thing by the time I come home tomororw because this weekend is jam packed busy. And last time I flew back into the Portland airport with a cold from Boise I had an intense pain and water squirt out of my eyeball. Gross right. I asked around a bit after that happened and no one else had ever said they'd heard of something like that, it was the oddest thing. Facinating though.

The youth group visit went really well last night. I wish I would've had more energy then I had, but you work with what you've got and give it your best go, all we can really do I suppose. I love Idaho....they are awesome. That is a broad statement to liking all of what Idaho has to offer, but its almost completely true. Tonight I have the National Christian College Fair to attend, lets pray I don't lose my voice as its been wavering all day on the brink of leaving me.

Sometimes, as a white, middle class, woman in her 20's I feel as though I have no voice. I was just watching a commercial, addressing financial issues for a specific race, I've never seen it issued to a specific demographic known as the student who wants to go to college, regardless of race. Student doesn't specify race, it specifies future. It may be very possible that because I am white, or because I grew up in a home with two parents working to support their family, or because I decided to take out loans on my own accord to attend college and get myself an education and now have debt to pay off without government support, perhaps because I worked hard in high school to get good grades and made a decision to do choir, volleyball, have a job in high school, leadership, year book; perhaps these past experiences have blinded me to prejudices. But then again, maybe I have no voice and therefore have no right to know what a prejudice is. You know when I applied for scholarships to college in high school I fell in the middle gap, I didn't have a 4.0 standing but I also had no specific racial background, my parents weren't on welfare but if we didn't work we would've been, so there wasn't all that much I could be given. This might be a bit of a vent, and crossing so many political correct stipulations, but I have a voice.

I fully believe in helping the poor, giving money and resources to the less fortunate (regardless of the race the individual may be), I think it's awesome that tribes give Indian students money, or some countries will provide students with money for an education if they work hard enough. I dislike the separation of the classes, and don't see more worth in someone who produces a vast income then a person who makes just enough money to get by. But then I don't really undersand why myself and others in my position don't always receive the help they need- I work hard and I make very little, I do what I am able to do for those who have less and I admit I could most assuredly do a lot more, I pay for health insurance and car insurance, I try to keep myself healthy so hopefully I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for using this said health insurance. And the worst part is I know that I am not even close to the worse off, not even a little bit close. The middle class in general are so overlooked in society because the rich make money off the poor, and at the very least when they take an economic hit they have money to fall back on and perhaps might cut out some extra luxuries. The poor, well they have it rough, but they at least get some government help, free health care, food stamps, grants and resources to help life. For those working hard I say give them everything we've got to give, help the poor who truly are working to make a better life for themselves, help them get to this middle class level and security. However...the middle class is a quickly changing demographic as the economy goes downhill, health care goes up, insurance goes up, it is continually splitting into opposite ends of the spectrum. To the poor for the majority, and some maybe getting a lucky break, to the rich.

I don't really know where i'm going with this and had no specific point to make. Sorry for the ranting. But not sorry I have a voice. I think i need a nap, my head hurts even more than before. But the fair tonight, one school tomorrow and home I come. :o)

October 19th...I'm 95% positive

Today was a great day with an early start. Had to be in Ontatio by 8:30am, so need to leave Boise by 7:20 or so. It's oddly unsettling leaving when the sun hasn't come up yet, I had to check the clock like three times just in case I woke up, showered and got ready when it was really only 3am. But in fact, was the correct time. It's unsettling at first that is, but then it is kind of nice to watch the sunrise and get the day going early. I guess I do enjoy morning, however, I still refuse to claim the term early bird.

After my visits today I got lettuce wraps to go from PF Changs, I would've stayed but I didn't have any quarters and only had 15 minutes left on my meter.

I think Kramer came out with the first skinny jeans in an episode of Seinfield. I assume the current generation also has as hard of a time getting out of a pair of painted on pants, I have not succumbed to a pair of skinny jeans yet, well I do have skinny black pants so I guess I'm half way there.

After eating my delicious lettuce wraps I went for a walk along the green belt next to the river. It's beautiful outside, just the perfect temperature with a slight breeze. Anyway, I walked along and the this thought kept going through my mind "Lord, what will you have me do?" This question is on mind everyday, but it really creeps into the forefront of my thoughts when I take the time to quiet myself and my surroundings. And I sit here and wonder this, "Lord, what will you have me do?" I am ready, I am willing and I am able, but Lord, what will you have me do?
I took a little while to walk down some rocks and sit and watch the river. Were there spider webs everywhere and did I get momentarily distracted with having to look in fallen tree limps and cut of trunks....I can't lie to you, why yes I did. But after that brief distraction I stood by the waters edge and watched it, and something came to mind. Water is mesmorizing, it calms an active mind, and its absolutely beautiful. More beautiful than an attractive man with facial hair, and you all know how beautiful I find them. Okay, perhaps, its just a different kind of beauty, on a whole other level. I realized what makes it so beautiful though, crazy that I've literally never realized what it was that makes it on this whole new level of beauty. It's the reflection. Bodies of water take the battered, broken fragmented life surrounding it and reflect it back to the world as this pure, peaceful and whole image. It is the reflection of the world around it that make is so beautiful.
Not to get to deep here, but it did make me wonder what I reflect to the world. I can only pray that I reflect the love of Christ, and as a broken, fragmented and ruptured individual the beauty of Christ shines through me to the world as a complete and peaceful image. Completed by the Father, and not of my own accord. The river can not be beautiful on its own, it needs the world around it to be broken, and it needs the ability to restore that beaten picture.

I would say it was a great walk, even though I did get blisters on the back of my heels.

Glee tonight. Perhaps its not healthy for one show to make someone so excited. When I come home I won't have tv or internet anymore, what is a girl going to do. I'm going to have to start dating someone with tv  just so I can watch it, the relationship secondary to the access to cable. Just kidding, mostly.

OMG. And Not in the Fun Usher Way

At this very moment I am so bored that I can literally hear myself losing my intelligence and gaining weight all at the same time. Apparently being home for almost a week showed me once again what normal life is like and now I don't know how to handle modern boredom. One can only stalk and search facebook for so long, and really the majority of the news fall into three categories- engaged, just got married, having/had baby. All of which I'm so glad to stalk, but it doesn't exactly help with the restlessness I currently feel, it actually exacerbates it and points out the singleness I find myself in, both in Idaho and in Salem.

The people above me are stomping grapes. The least they could do is bring me down some wine to take the edge off of their intrusive stomping.

I sound like I'm in a terrible mood, I actually am not at all. Just incredibly restless. I'm tired of watching TV, reading, killing time online....but find myself with not many other choices. I'd go walk the river, but being a young single woman Murder She Wrote, Matlock, CSI and other such shows have taught me this is a very bad choice. I'd go into downtown Boise but stores are closed and bars are open, not really my forte. Let me ponder what else....still haven't found the exercise room, but then again I haven't taken too much time to explore as it takes double the time to walk the hall what with the smell I have to forge through, that thick. So I sit here with The Closer on and write yet again another blog posting. Never really seen this show, its not too shabby.

The rest of this week should be pretty busy. Youth group Wednesday (third year visiting it), College fair Thursday and fly home Friday. Woohoo! I think tomorrow I'll take the time to go into town and walk around the shops and eat at PF Changs, get me some lettuce wraps. And then of course I reserve the hour of Glee whenever possible, and thankfully this week nothing was needing to be scheduled. It is like the one thing I look forward to when I'm on the road. However, it is a minute joy for the week, the real joy comes Friday when I get to come home, celebrate Birthdays with the family and get to go to church Sunday. That totally reminded me of the song "but the real joy comes in the morning." So I sit here completely and utterly bored out of my mind, and completely and utterly so thankful for the life that I live. Bless beyond belief. A thankfulness for family and friends that words cannot fathom, they can't even attempt to articulate the meaning behind those feelings.

I, with my all my heart, despise Old Navy commercials.